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sh!thawks...on parade: 08.2006

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so i am going to finish packing today. so that means no computer for a few days.
so i will be back on sunday sometime.

leafy greens

those are some of my sister's textbooks. i have no idea how much those all cost, but i know for sure that its more than 3000$ for her all her books for the last three years.

total cost of my textbooks this semester...less than 130$.

i doubt the total ive spent on books for the last five years even breaks 1500$.

seriously kids, if you want more beer money, take an arts degree.

my Applied Comm for Social Issues prof, who also happens to be the head of the Communication department at SFU, sent out the course outline and class expectations today and im fucking stoked for his class.

now observe as i couple the knowledge from that class with my Comm as Propaganda class and Pinky are you ponerding what i'm pondering?

man that was a good cartoon hey? whatever happend to it...thats one of those cartoons where it starts on animaniacs then you lose track of it and one day you randomly find the new half hour show but cant ever remember when it's on so whenever you randomly find it again you always stop to watch because it's fucking good to watch.

im trying to decide whether it's too much of a hassle to bring some of my watercolours back to vancouver with me. i dont really plan on doing anything major to my room this time. shocker to most ppl who ever saw it before i know.

it was funny cause after christmas last year i took all my posters down and redid my room and frightened all my roommates into thinking i was moving out.

i want to finish packing but cant cause then i have to take my computer apart and im reluctant to do so just yet. know....youd think that a mouse with a head that big would be used in some weird fucked up experiments...narf was a cool word too. i think people should start saying narf again.

maybe that's where it's been


ive added this asshole to my "I Hate This Person Because They Give the Media a Bad Image" along with Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter.

im pretty sure that somewhere someone will say that crossover is better than any kevin smith movie.

should you encounter a person, take the following actions to ensure the safety of all movie goers everywhere...

1. hit them in the face with a baseball bat. or, if you wish to stick to movie themes, a size 13 nike shoe repeatedly until they have been beaten unconscious.

2. continue to hit at will until you are satisfied that some sense has been beaten in to them.

can you picture these two movies meeting?

"im a BAAAASKETBALL movie biatch!"
"good for you, good to know your a corporate clog."
"mutherfucker whatcho sayin? lay down get your bitch off!"
"sorry, i have to go lead the counter culture revolution again."
"say what?"
"oh, sorry, i forgot. let me talk slowly so you can understand me."
"im a BASKETBAAAAAALl movie!!"
"hey i think micheal jordan is over there, why dont you go say hi. no over there. no farther. farrrrrther. yeah, yeah ok, you keep going that way im sure youll catch up."

urban hiphop movies are probly one of the biggest wastes of money in my opinion. think of how many more snakes could have been put on the plane if the money used to make Crapover had been given to them!


last day of work tomorrow.

im gonna pack up my comp on thursday probly so i might be out of commision for a few days.

i think if i ever had a chance to interview Fiddy Cent id ask whether or not he thought that crack dealers turned rap artists who still actively promote and are involved in gang activites should be considered good role models for kids. that would probly piss him off but its a legit question.

im thirsty.

they run on Dunkin


oh copy and paste how i heart thee...

outlaw (side bar link) has tagged me to play along, after herself being tagged by corrupthockeyfan. I have to list 8 things people (more likely bloggers) don't know about me and then tag 6 people with no tag backs to participate. I have nothing to blog about so here goes:

1 - i pretty much let my room get piled up in clutter until it's a physical hazard to walk through it until i get annoyed enough tripping over shit before i clean it. and then after i clean it i get annoyed if any clutter shows up and clean it right away but then i get bored of doing that and it all starts over again.

2 - the most wine ive ever had is half a glass. it makes me gag and want to puke hardcore and i hate it so much.

3 - i bought a thing of Fructis hair gel like three years ago and it's stil not empty and its only a 150mL thing.

4 - i had a mullet for my grade 12 grad.

5 - i have never weighed more than 138lbs in my entire life and im 6 feet tall.

6 - one year for my birthday my aunt bought me the first Backstreet Boys cd and i kept it for a year before realizing that they sucked.

7 - in grade 9 in my homeroom we didnt have desks, we had long tables built into the wall and it was the science class so there were power outlets in the tables and i sat at the front (assigned seating even IF i was the resident geek) and the class stereo was plugged in on the table i was at and one day when we had a sub teacher in and we were doing an activity i started to wonder what would happen if i pulled out the stereo cord half way and touched it. it hurt.

8 - pretty much everyone i know says im weird in a good way and that i should either be a crazy eccentric university professor or do voices for cartoons because i make strange voices a lot.

weeeeeeee that was fun wasnt it.

i taaaaaaaaaaaag.

Other Pat.

have two days of work left.
i am going to start packing tonight because i can do that while i watch dvds.
i also have Sam Roberts stuck in my head.

employee's signature


i am dont work on wednesday and then i get to put everything in boxes on the hillside little boxes made of ticky tacky little on the hillside little boxes all the same theres a green one and a pink one and a blue one and a yellow one and theyre all made of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.
and the person whose stuff is in the boxes went to the university and he was put in boxes and he came out all the same.
not a doctor or a lawyer or a business executive.
and theyre all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

awesome show.

you think rats like peanut butter?


j'ai vu Bon Cop Bad Cop ce soir.
c'est ben cool là.
pis j'pense que tous le monde devrais aller voire cette ostie'd caulisse de petite filme.

oh french swears. how fun.

reminded me a lot of ottawa and ian and his constant 'ben caulisse ostie d'tabernac!'

go see it.

c'est le bon movie.

you mean like a verb?


ok so i'm not completely deaf but im in that fuzzy hearing headspace type hearing thing.


first off...who the fuck puts chairs on the floor when you have a general admission FLOOR TICKET??? BAH!!! floor is floor is open floor!!!




ok, so ISIS, not really all that impressive.

the bass for the entire show.


duck fuck batman.

there was actually a constant breeze the bass was so loud. it was the kind of bass where you and everything around you is actually vibrating. i shit you not.

setlist and maynardisms:

"good evening edmonton. calgary said to say hello." crowd boos loudly..."What'd they do, fuck your girlfriend? That's what happened to me."
The Pot
46 & 2
"hanging in there?"
Lost Keys (Blame Hoffman)/Rosetta Stoned
"we have a really neat new invention. it's called a time machine. would you like to get in and go for a ride with us?"
"Danny broke his drum. so now i have to tell you a story... but i'm not sure which to tell. oh wait, here's one. how do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? you pick him up and suck his dick. i'm not even joking." k, at this point...he's still talking but crowd loud, me not hearing so great...something to the effect of "thousands of stormtroopers. i suggest you buy our country while your dollar is still strong before we invade yours. once again we apologize for our president." ...there was a bit more but couldnt really tell what...
"Peace. Out."

i dont really get why a lot of people have been saying the light show is lame, i liked it. yeah it was sort of cheesey, but it fit the mood of the show. and maynard was totally into the show, fucking dancing around for pretty much every song. not really any drum solo though. plus the whole chairs on the flooor and mike and i in the 24th row...other than that...fucking superb show.

im pretty sure that this would be a toss up between tool and matt good in his living room totally unplugged. the only problem there is that i only got to see one. so i have to default to tool even though im sure matt good's living room would have been pretty much on par.

so i should try to sleep but i might watch tv cause i can sleep in. im going to go see Bon Cop Bad Cop tomorrow and with whatever money i have left in my bank account after the merch table raped it....holy christ high prices....go to buffalo and see if theres a sale on.

mmmmmmmmm tool.

how do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

im going to get my brain melted in a few hours.
this is the shirt i have from the 2002 Inside the Outside tour. it is my favourite shirt next to my NIN With Teeth tour shirt. tonight i will have another shirt or two.


will melt my brain.

get off your fucking cross

we need the fucking space

to nail

the next fool martyr.

white are
all i see
in my infancy

i'll post once more about tOoL


so i was all ready to come and write about how Tool is tomorrow night and how fucking insane it's gonna be but i guess things find their way up through the cracks and find you at some point even if you've pretty much washed your hands of it long ago.

so im sitting here about to type and my dad walks in and hands me the phone.

"hi pat? it's K. O."
*me thinking...why the hell is K. O. phoning me in a teary voice...*
"hey how's it going?"
"ok, but i have some bad news..."
*me thinking fuck J done gone and kilt hisself*
"...D.D. died last night."
*me thinking wrong person but i got the dead part right*
"oh. that sucks. how?"
"did you hear about that hit and run last thursday?"
"um....i think so?"
"that was him. he's been in a coma and he passed away last night."
"a bunch of us from OLPH got together and we thought we should phone you and J. and E and A. and let you guys know."
*me thinking oh sweet irony that it's the four of us they had to call...*
"So do you think you can make it to the funeral?"
"um, when is it, i have to go back to vancouver next week, but if i cant you can certainly pass on my condolences."
"we're not sure, they havent planned it they were hoping he'd pull out of the coma."
"do you still talk to J?"
"no. i havent talked to him for like two years."
"oh...what about E or A?"
"yeah a bit. E will have A's number. it's NUM-BERS"
"ok, thanks, have a good one."
"you too."

and i bring the phone back up and my dad's sitting on the couch and i tell him and im like "it's funny cause the last few ppl to know are me E, A and J." which for some reason results in...

youre the last to know cause you have a jewish background...i remember there was one smart girl who lived out by julia...when i worked on the barges i had to tie up cables...fucking catholic hipochrasy your sister's best friend's sister who is getting married cant tell the grandparents that her and her fiance already bought a house and will live there til the wedding because the grandparents are so religious that if they find out they'll cut them off.

um. ok.

so now i have some things to decide. the main thing is if i really care. i know that sounds shallow, but beyond the fact that i went to school with him for 13 years there's nothing much else. i mean, there was a core 20 of us who pretty much new everyone else but life does go on and im pretty sure that i'll be the one person who doesnt care the most. it sucks cause he's dead yes, but did i ever really consider him a friend of mine? no not really. am i glad to have had someone from our school tell me rather than find out on the news? yeah i guess.
do i want to go to the funeral? no not really. not because its a funeral for a guy i never really had anything in common with, more so because it would mean having to talk to people i really have interest in seeing or talking to. when the ten year high school reunion rolls around we'll see, but right now i have a Tool concert and packing and Vancouver.

im pretty adamant about the fact that i dont really care what happens when i die because im not dead right now and im not going to spend a lifetime philosophizing about it. you live, you die, thats about as simple as it gets. but i guess something like this make it cross your mind. im pretty sure id know who would show up to my funeral if i died this weekend. it's the people i wouldnt expect to show up that would be the interesting thing to see. which i guess would be hard to see if youre dead but whatever.

i think im going to get a haircut tonight.

i had my appraisal at work today. im welcome back next year. it's good to know i have job security lol.



that's right. tool.

we all feed on tragedy


so it stormed here last night. and not just any ol' storm. no. this was a once every few years big goddamn prairie electrical storm. it's the kind where the lights in your house are pulsing when the storm is still fiftenn minutes away. and then you turn everything off and go and stand on the sidewalk with your neighbour to watch it and the sky looks like it's made of flashbulbs and you stand there while your neighbours wife says you should go inside and you ignore her til something gets hits less than two blocks away and everyone runs for cover. and then like five minutes later you swear that it's actually raining UP. and over the course of the time you watch you hear five distinct sets of sirens from the firehall. and then in the morning when you get to work it looks like a tornado went through the equipment.

i have my Tool concert clothes ready. 48 hours.

i think they're called dino mom eaters?


i got a kain cd and a cowboys fringants cd from my mom and sister who got back from montreal today.

my dad got a top 20 old time french country songs cd.

i have a headache. we re-sodded half a soccer field today. if you've ever played on a soccer field and thought that the ground was nice to play on thats cause someone took care of it and it takes a lot of hard fucking work to take care of the fucking ground. so next time you wear cleats, you just remember that someone had to lay at least 1000 pieces of fucking sod down one at a time so you could rip it up with your goddamn shoes after. yeah thats right football, im talking to you you fat fuck.

speaking of fat fucks. there was a report that came ot yesterday about fat kids and their ignorant parents who wont admit their kids are fat. on the radio this morning a fat kid rant got a lot of fat woman (note singular) angry who called up the radio station and yelled at them saying all fat people had genetic problems. so random callers call in saying "yeah you know theres genetics but parents have a role to play" and the last guy to call in was a doctor and they ask "so is it like 50% genetic problem?" and he's like "no. more like under 5%" and those of us listening were like "hahahahahahah the fat lady is mad again."

but seriously. fat people are human too. they're like the bonus kind of human because when we see them on Americ's Funniest Videos we get cheap laughs. but like every indulgence in life, best to take it in in moderation. unless you're a manatee fucker who goes after it like a crack addict would go after tim hortons donuts if he thought the powdered ones were coated in pure columbian.

so you were tax deductible?


i have a bag of doritos nacho cheese.

just thought you'd like to know that.

monkeys killing monkeys killing monkeys over pieces of the ground.

and i got a final mark of B+ in my sociology class. i can live with that.


so i saw snakes on a plane.

and you know what?

it was good. definitely a King of the B Movies contender.

also a preview for the Borat Movie. fuck yes. and a new Jason Statham movie. he's kick ass cause he kicks a lot of ass.

our house is broken and we have to fix it. we have these big brick pillars out front and one of them is starting to fall down and now we have to attach a big fucking chain and tow cable to a big fucking tree and hold it up so we can fix it. and chances are that once we look it'll be much more trouble than we think it is.

i have 8 more days of work. think i'll start to pack up the small stuff this week cause then it's out of the way.

check out this dude:


what he said


so i got an email from a miss Cathy Palmer:

"Once I was insane.
But then I put my faith in Jesus, the crucified Son and risen Saviour of the world.
Now I am a child of God having the mind of Christ!
I know where I'm going when I die.
How 'bout u?"

i think you might want to rethink "Once".

i thought her bit on the occult patterns present in Hurrican Katrina, that the US was predestined by its Judeo-Masonic creators to be destroyed, and that it will rise again as the New Atlantis was the best bit of comedy i'd read in a while.

oh wait? you mean you were serious?

so you really think that there'll be another US civil war? and where the hell are you coming up with Judeo-Freemasonry as a political policy?

can your prophets predict if the Republicans will cheat their way to victory again? cause you know, any heads up i can get on that would be great.

i have a lot of friends who are religious, and you know what, im fine with that, i can respect that because they dont push it on me. i spent 13 years going to catholic school so i know where they're coming from. personally, it just wasnt for me.
in certain terms i can respect that Cathy Palmer has something to believe in, but good god give your head a shake.

you know, i heard the Westboro Baptist Church is always looking for more kooks, why dont you give them a ring?

im not laughing AT you, im laughing at YOU!

6 days.

they played hawaii today and because of wonderful time differences theyve already finished and the set list is up and THEY PLAYED OPIATE!!! holy fuck i hope they bust out something off that album here. i should be able to get a decent idea of what the set will be after tuesday cause thats the vancouver show and chances are if they play something off opiate there then they will here. or eulogy. if they play opiate or eulogy i may just piss myself.

my dad and i are gonna go lose money at the casino tonight. but right now. hot dogs.


ok, and here's a thought. who decided that barns would be red? like why not a blue barn? or an orange barn? why a red barn? is red a particularily soothing colour to barnyard creatures? does it hypnotise chickens and cows? and white roofs? what are they the official buildings of Indonesia? seriously. i want to see a barn that's dayglo green with a pastiche roof.

you practically raised the dead


im a peep now. it's all i ever wanted to be was peep. i can sleep better at night knowing that im now a peep. i can now go hang out with my peeps and we can peep like birds.

there's a little yellow birdpeeping on your ass.


nick and kassia were patching up one of the dugouts today and made me a present. i asked if it was a little concrete snowman. almost. i asked if it was a little concrete Pat. almost.
i dont know about you but a concrete hand giving the finger doesnt entirely resemble a snowman. but you know what? thats ok because i have a concrete hand giving the finger now. i asked if it was because i hate the world in a solid way. sure pat. we should have made you the mcdonalds M but you would have broken it. which is ironic cause the middle finger actually broke off anyway. fucking concrete doesnt dry fast enough.

peep. peeppeeppeep

click me motherfucker.

i got my UPass in the mail. wooo cheap transit. it's gonna suck having to pay for a bus pass after christmas.

i also have to go buy another copy of Anema cause i have over played it and half the songs are fucked up now.

and i now give you Advice By Chad...

is anal peeping safe?

woodstock motherfucker!


dumb neighbours are funny cause they offer free entertainment.
"hey you have a trampoline now?"
"jumped off the roof yet?"
"yeah! here we'll show you!"

so my mom and sister are in montreal. they phone tonight and as my convo with my mom wraps up she asks if i want anything from there and i say no, are you sure...well...

"if you can get me a poster from club super sexe that'd be cool."

and ladies and gentlemen, the most motherly response you could ever hope to hear to that request...

"oh. what's that?"

ask your daughter.

i found a zip hoodie at work. no one claimed it so i kept it. it's nice. brown. i like it im keeping it. its a heavier one so it'll be good for the fall.

whenever i buy a hoodie i always pull the drawstring our of the hood. i hate drawstrings on hoods. seriously, who EVER uses them? and when you dont use them all they do is flap around and be annoying so i just rip 'em right out.

i sat on the front step with my dad for a few hours listening to more stories from long ago that rival Animal House in shinanigannery. i shit you not. that movie has nothing on the frat my dad was in.

"you tell me these stories so i wont do these things right?"

"you shouldnt do these things because you could get caught....and that would be bad....i never ever got blamed for the peeing off the roof onto the old lady's house because i was with three fat hawaiians and she told the police there were a bunch of big large men up there. who'd notice a skinny little shit like me?"

"so...i just need fatter friends."

havent been caught yet. it almost seems sounter productive telling me every single little detail of how to pull shit off because most likely i wont ever forget and at some point, there's always an opportunity to be shit disturber extraordinaire. however, yes, id have to say the maybe getting arrested would probly suck.

meh. only live once.

you cant just park a boat


the critics all agree! the cheap fro 'do ranges from "holy christ what the fuck is that?" to "you look like fucking don king."

hold on a sec, something on the news has caught my attention.



when i ask my dad for advice i always run the risk of hearing two silence for a good hour, and his opinion that the only jobs that will ever exist that are good will exist in alberta. fucks sake, when i was in junior high he was always saying "you'll go into engineering because there's good jobs and lots of money in it and not in anything else." engineering engineering. i decide to apply to geology..."there's no fucknig jobs in that blah blah blah engineering engineering." he reads a bool about geologists and how much money the diamond guys make. "you'll be a geologist in alberta and work for a diamond company alberta alberta alberta." i go to ottawa. "you're a page, government government government, the alberta government alberta alberta." i go to vancouver. "you should apply to grad school in calgary jobs alberta alberta alberta because there are no jobs in bc." i ask for advice about cold calling places about what kind of employment they have for new people. "well you should do this and say this and ask this, but what you should really do is look at alberta alberta alberta and talk to so and so because alberta alberta oil fort mac alberta government you cant sit in vancouver alberta engineering engineering."

broken record anyone?


seriously, i cant say anything back cause i konw how that'll go over, so all i can do is stand there and nod and seeth inside. which isnt to say that when there's a reprieve from 'alberta alberta' there's on good advice. there's excellent advice in there. but that's all i asked for, not the constant rhetoric that ive heard since i was 13 about how i should get a job in alberta and then after that i can worry about living somewhere else.

my 'annoyed at life' factor was on a steady rise today. it wasnt an especially taxing day either. but we're pretty much out of work to do at work, it's a struggle to find something to do, i want out of here, and i have to hear "after december alberta alberta alberta."

fuck. off.

susan asked what motivates people. i'd have to say that at this point, my getting increasingly getting fed up with hearing this stuff is pretty fucking good motivation to fucking run out and get a job or two jobs or whatever when i get back to vancouver so i can say "LOOK! LOOK AT ME! I CAN MANAGE JUST FINE RIGHT NOW AND IM NOT FUCKING LIVING IN FORT MACMURRAY!!!"

im gonna go for gellato with iris later. gellato will make the rage calm down.

does it rhyme with peel blip?


this should be used as promos more often.

i heart this show.


got another one down.

fake tits and rolex's

i think i might redo the vocals cause it kind of defeats the purpose trying to record any when my dad is sleeping in the room right above me.

im pretty sure i should get an external harddrive for when i do this cause these take up an ass load of space. and not like your usual ass load. no i mean fat ass in wal mart in the southern states fat ass fat ass.

goddamn i should be a pop star. but not one of those lame ones. no the less than lame ones. in fact, i should be a pop tart.

so today i had a hearing test. i can still hear. the lady went off on me when i said that like most people my age i listen to my mp3 player. seriously, this was probly one of the dumber tests ever. they only consider stuff at work to be damaging to our hearing? what about the 8 months between where there are parties and mp3 players and car rides and concerts and hunting and yelling and random blowing shit up?

she also said never to use q-tips again because they could impale my brain.

goddamn lady, it's a fucking hearing test i dont need a lecture.

also mike and i ended up singing Those Summer Nights song from Grease cause it was on the radio, but before that id been singing the Cookie Monster song so i started singing TSN like cookie monster and it was funny cause when you go TELL ME MORE like cookie monster it sounds delightfully fucked up.

so then on our way back to SAP central we passed a squished kitty on the road right at the entrance. dunno how long it had been there but im pretty sure it wasnt there this morning when i got there. so we had to go pick it up to see if there was a collar or tag or tattoo. none of the following. it was stiff. and in mike's words "it has that dead animal tongue look...mmlllaaaaaaahhhhhh." the mechanics suggested a hood ornament. we thought they were joking til they told us about one crew a few years ago that had found a dead crow and wired it up so it looked like it was flying on the hood of a truck. dead cats cant dance. not unless you make them. k, seriously, you know i know how fucked up that sounds but its not like ive never picked up a dead animal before and when you have to put it in a garbage bag, which requires you to pick it up, and having seen the "Cat im a Kitty Cat and i Dance Dance Dance and i Dance Dance Dance" thing a few too many times....well.

now im gonna get the weird looks. meh. get enough of those already. anyway, there were no tags, no collar, and no ID chip after we took it to the RCMP to see if there was one, so essentially it was a random homeless cat that got hit by a car. is it sad? yes. but in all reality, it probly wasnt the only cat to get hit by a car today.

on the one hand it was kinda funny, but then on the other, seeing as how im pretty much more a cat person now than a dog person, there is that part of my brain that goes "dude i bet this was a cool cat."

you ever notice how so many people put so much focus on dead things? and not in some like sick fucked up way, but like, people have no idea what death is all about other than the fact that you become dead, but like, people get all worked up and sad and start to wonder about road kill and get pissed off or annoyed at you if you treat it or talk about it in any other way than the most PC and respectful way in the world. i mean, dont real christians dont even think animals have souls? so why the random blubberiness about it? or what about people who think it'll be reincarnated? dude, if it died and it went to be born as something else again, why are you getting upset that i threw it in the back of a machine with a shovel? if it's dead, then it's dead, simple as that. people really need to not be so serious about death i think. like, not have a party or anything when someone dies cause it is sad, but i mean, why get all fucking down and depressed for ever when it's easy to remember good things and have a laugh about it? when my grandma died, yeah it sucked and yeah i was sad, but at her memorial people were telling stories and laughing and having a good time remembering her. i think thats how it should be approached more so than the staunch black and white affairs where theres hardly any noise and being there makes you feel like a piece of chewed gum stuck to the sidewalk.

i hope that when i die one day, instead of everyone getting all fucking teary and crying all the time, that they laugh their asses off about the stupid shit i did. cause really, i think a lot of the stupid shit you do in life shows a good portion of your character, and if you have a good time with it, then it's worth having people laugh about it later.

that was a bit of a tangent there wasnt it. shit what was i thinking about before hand...

fuck now im gonna have that cat song stuck in my head.

11 days til Tool.

oh, if anyone has a spare IKEA catalogue that i can borrow...i havent got mine yet.


yeah i dunno. might try making another song later. i'll call it Cat Shovel Fever. hahah come on, if you get in the least bit offended by a dead cat dancing, then you've obviously never read anything by this lazy bastard.

yeh..k...thoughts on the afterlife? seems like the next direction to go.

those summer niiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiiights



yeah, k, that's getting old.

there's a remarkably visible increase in graffiti around here lately.

12 days til Tool.

13 days of work left.

1 pickup truck to fill up.

1244km to drive.

tons of people to party with after. sweet.

and one more mind boggling myth laid to rest


i made a new song. listen to it. it's on my buzznet now.

i found my art folder from grade 12. i took pictures of some of the things i did.

so my mom's in montreal with my sister so it's just my dad and i and today we drove around a lot looking for ammo for this fall. it's good that he's paying for it cause i probly wouldnt drop 180$ on a case of shells.

so im not sure yet or not if he's gonna try to guilt trip me into like going to the casino or somethign else tonight. cause he probly will at some point. and if he doesnt then my mom will phone and she will. i dunno what the hell there is to do cause there isnt much to do.

i've cleaned my room twice in the past 24 hours. yes. this is how much there is to do around here. i also reinstalled photoshop cause some files got corrupted. how exciting. oh well. if i keep things clean then there's less hassle when i pack everything up in a few weeks.

people start leaving from work at the end of next week. and then more people the next week. and then me. they were all like "hah! youre the last one here!" and then i was like "yeah, but then i get to go back to a beach and the ocean and mountains."

now i have to wait for my grade for the class i took this summer. im kind of hoping that through some fluke that i get a really high mark and it pulls my gpa up a bit. not that its bad, cause its pretty decent, but higher is never bad.

i have a lot of yellow highlighters...huh...oh well.

so i was thinking that 'brand new' is a strange term. i mean, ya it's not really, but then again, this is one of those things where suddenly you think of a word or something and it totally doesnt make any sense and seems like the most foreign word in the world. like 'it'. what kind of word is 'it'? other than one that can defeat the Knights who say Ni of course.

i am vacating here already in my head. ive started looking around my house lately and feeling more detached about it. my room isnt really mine anymore. it's a place where i park all my shit til i can put it all back in a box and get the fuck out.

i also have a lot of dead AAA batteries.

this kind of machine only takes quarters

k seriously, weekends are for sleeping in.
so someone please tell my brain that when it is the weekend i and dont have to work that it can leave me alone and not wake me up at 7am and not let me get back to sleep.
now i must fight the legitimate reason to actually go for a morning exercise of some kind.

but Gollum and the Evil One


i now give you...

Politically Correct Insect Tales For Children

Once there was a frog named Frog. Frog was green with yellow spots. He ate bugs and jumped and swam. One day Frog decided to jump across the road. Frog got squished by a truck. His yellow spots stuck to the wheel.

Once there was a worm named Wiggle. Monica killed him because she doesn’t like worms.

Once there was a fly named Fly. He flew around and annoyed people. One day Fly landed on a table. Fly got squished by a flyswatter.

Once there was an ant named Ant. He got stepped on.

Once there was a stick named Walking. He looked like a tree branch. He found a tree he liked and stood there. The tree got cut down and the saw cut Walking in two.

Once there was a beetle named Juice. He lived in a sandbox. One day Juice got dug up and put in a jar. He lived in the jar til he fell on his back and died.

Once there was a hornet named Sting. He stung people and flew away. He lived happily ever after stinging people until he flew into a windshield.

Once there was a pillbug named Tylenol. I don’t know what he did.

Once there was a grasshopper named Big Rock. He jumped around a lot. One day Big Rock jumped into a net and got put in a jar. He was dipped into candy and a kid bought the sucker with Big Rock in it for 85 cents. Big Rock got eaten.

Once there was a Butterfly named Toast. He liked to fly and then sit and spread his wings. Toast landed on a kid. The kid pulled off Toast’s wings. Toast fell on the ground and died.

Once there was a ladybug named Guy. He was roasted by a magnifying glass.

Once there was a spider named crawl. He scared people. He got flushed down the toilet.

Once there was a stinkbug named Glade. He lived inside. One day Glade was found on the window. Glade was put outside in the snow. Glade froze solid.

Once there was a bedbug named Sleepy. He liked to crawl in beds. Someone laid down on him.

Once there was a scorpion named Rock. He killed Steve-O.

Once there was a bug named Bug. He bugged and he bug bug bugged. Bug bug bug, bug BUG! And THEN bug bug bug bug bug bug bug bug!

Once there was a firefly named Glow. He died of old age.

Once there was a caterpillar named Tent. He ate leaves One a kid put him in playdough. Then the kid rolled it into a ball and threw it against the wall. Tent got made flat.

hey, no one ever said being a bug would be easy.

rain rain dont go away keep me home from work another day


uhg...spaghetti regrouping for another attack...

insides feel like pastal assault is imminent...

must not allow pastasurgents to induce the vomiting...

it starts with a and rhymes why aaaasta

theres a couple of congressmen on Larry King Live talking about how the alleged terror plot in london is a good reason that the PATRIOT ACT should be renewed.
so they spend all this time talking about stuff on planes and how liquids can be bombs and your cell phone and lap top can be detonators, and then what happens? a fucking commercial with a dude on a plane with a laptop comes on.
ok you know what, it's driving me nuts how much the media is pulling this story in one direction.

fucking pay more attention. i had to watch the BBC world news to get a relatively unspun version. props bbc you are the least fucked up media provider.

the plot was to blow up 10 planes in a series of waves, like 3 planes at a time with another wave a few days later. so, think about this. IF three planes had blown up do you really think that there was ANY chance that they would have been able to blow up all the other ones a few days later? probly not.

fuck ok, now CNN is narrating like the news is a goddamn soap opera.

bombs in liquids huh? isnt jet fuel liquid? doesnt it explode? and if the airport in london is in shambles and disarry, how did Anderson Cooper get there so fast? when i was flying home from ottawa one year i bought a bottle of orange juice in the airport at the little store right beside security. i hadnt even taken the plastic off the top. when i went through security they made me open it and drink it to prove it wasnt toxic or poisonous. uh hello? just bought it over there? see the plastic on the top? yeah that means its not open and nothing is wrong with my fucking orange juice. nothing is wrong with that ladies bottle of water, or that dude who has a bottle for his baby. your eyedrops arent nitro. secondly, most of the time when i get on a plane and go through security, my stuff gets swabbed for explosive materials whether its my mp3 player or a bottle of water. this is in a regular canadian airport. im pretty sure that an international airport like heathrow has things like this.

hey do you think G.W. isnt allowed to bring liquids on his plane now? it only seems fair that government leaders lead by example.

ok, and the stock market thing...anyone who can profit from wavering market shares because of this should shoot themselves because theyre fucking sick.

honestly, you could see this coming. 9/11 happens, everyones fucking paranoid about flying for a year. then its back to "OMG DID YOU SEEEEEE BRITTNEY AND KEVIN IN THE MAGAZINE!!!"

yeah thats right, people got lax again in their oversaturated infotainment lives where it's more important to think about where to get that new shirt than it is to use a public forum of discourse to maybe, just maybe, come up with a new idea about how to find some kind of inherent type of stability in the world.

but no, we dont need to. we just need to go watch World Trade Center and tell ourselves that we remember why the world is being lead around by the US leash again as we stand idly by while we all watch as plots to inavade Iran and make us all think that we're fucking doomed if we dont accept armed guards on the street and shoot-first-ask-later is accepted as true freedom.

watch how somehow in someway the US will try and give this a link to Iran. all of Al Qeada is in Iran now! let's go bomb this shit out of them and tell the world that theyre a great threat to global security, and by global security we mean american comfort about islam.


im going to forego watching the news for a while because of the few hours ive watched tonight, it's only succeeded in pissing me off.

loo loo loo ive got some apples loo loo loo youve got some too!

my mom is flying to montreal tomorrow for a week to take a vacation with my sister. watch her plane be delayed three hours.


oh, and we went to boston pizza for lunch today with the bottle money our crew has made in the last month and i ate a massive fucking plate of spaghetti, like a kilo, but i couldnt finish the meatballs cause they were gross but no one thought id get that far anyway. and then i got super food drunk and everyone said i looked high.


my computer is pissing me off. i bought more ram to put in hoping that it wouldnt get all fucked up like last time i tried, and i install said purchased ram, and lo and fucking behold the same damn thing happens. i will forever be relegated to 512 megs unless it takes its CPU out of its ass.

you know what's a funny word? install. like, is there an IN stall? if you install a program, is there a stall in your computer where it goes and sits? are programs horses or something? what do they eat while they're in the IN stall? or is it more like when the program youre using craps out, is it in STALL mode? like it's a friggin airplane that has it's engine blown up by a stinger missile and it stalls out and fucking blows to shit like microsoft programs.

you know what word would confuse retarded people a lot i think? ok ok, sorry, not retarded people...special needs people... letter. think about it. ask them to spell the word letter. seriously, how do you spell a letter? thats a lot of word in your letter. fucking deep yo.

man i'm getting pretty fucking bored at work now. im pretty much going to be the last seasonal staff there cause everyone else is leaving before me for once. ive somehow managed to succeed at doig fuck all most of the summer. and at first it was cool, cause really, who wants to prep a field for resodding all day? not me. however. sweet fuck all is wearing thin. because you can only do sweet fuck all for so long and then it's no longer sweet fuck all. it's eroneous fucking boredom. fuck that shit. im pretty sure this is obvious when i walk around at work cause people ask me "hey pat, are you ready to go back now?" "fucking right i am!" and then i go back to putzing around in a golf cart. seriously. i pounded fucking eight inch pieces of iron into the grass today to mark corners. it took all of a half hour. and it was almost a struggle to come up with something else to do.

oh and our neighbours cut down the hedge on their side of the fence. first time EVER that there has been no hedge there. i get home walk into the backyard, and you know how when something's been around long enough that you just expect it to be there cause its always been there and should never ever have to think twice about it? and then it takes you a few seconds to stop and think...wait a sec...something's not right...and then you're like WHAT THE FUCK??? and im like, fence...very clear...???

i totally just lost my train of thought.

fuckers eh?

shit, ok, now i totally forget what i was going to say.

larry the cable guy is funny.

brought to you by the outlaw's favourite word

so blogger is being a bitch and wont let me put up any pictures right now.
damn you technology, you're supposed to be helpful when i want you to be helpful not not helpful when i want you to be helpful!

i wrote my sociology exam this morning. you know how i can tell im reading to go back to vancouver? cause when i parked and was walking to the building i was writing it in on the UofA campus my brain was going "FUCK YES!!! IM WRITING AN EXAM ON A UNIVERSITY CAMPUS!!! MY BRAIN IS BEING CHALLENGED!!! FUCK CUTTING GRASS I WANT TO WRITE ACADEMIC PAPERS!!!"

seriously. thats what it said.

anyway, i was writing in some health sciences office cause a friend of a family friend who works there was proctoring and the university is building a new health sciences wing and its big a shiny and i was like "shit you could fit all of my school in that building." k...well...maybe not all of it, but a lot of it.

im going to go lay in a hammock and drink slurpee cause its hot out and i can and i was gonna go biking but this requires far more laziness on my part. plus it's a hammock.

i wonder if you can like hang a hammock up in your room in rez cause imagine how much space youd save doing that...

the crates of wrath!


im hitting that point where i can sit in my house and it just feels opressive.

it's like in garden state where theres that part where it says 'You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.'

le sigh.

half of the time we go and we dont know when


so my friend julia is moving away next week and she had a going away slash birthday party tonight.
we've been friends since kindergarten.
i'm not sure if this is like a widespread phenomenon, but you know how you grow up somewhere and you have that core group of people you know all your life and then one day one person goes away and nothing is ever the same?
it's weird but in most circles of friends ive had i seem to take the position of the going away-er. i go away and when i come back for a bit everything is fucking different and most people arent the same and the ones that are you start to realize how much you appreciate the fact that they're your friends but then you go away again.
and then one day i get home and find out that she got a job six hours north of here. and i dont know why, but it felt weird. it's ironic that i say this because ive been the one for the last four years to move back and forth across the country. and now she's moving away and it's like...i sucks. i dont get to hang out enough with her as it is and now im not even sure when the next time i get to see her will be.
it's fucked up. our families grew up together at school. ive known her longer than anyone else pretty much and now there's no sort of sense of security knowing that she'll be here at home to talk to when i come back to visit.
but again, there's the fact that ive been pretty much gone from here for the last four years. fuck i dont know. does that make a difference? i pretty much have an open door policy with every friend of mine. not everyone uses it but whatever. she did. i like the fact that she feels she can call me long distance to help her sort stuff out.
ive got this sort of dreadish feeling that maybe that wont happen now. i know we're always going to be friends, but this might be that point where the whole thing shifts subtely.
i dont like it.
it sucks. im totally psyched for her about her job and getting out of her house but still. not being able to cope well with something like this is not something id easily admit to. but here i am admitting that even though im going back to vancouver and probly staying there that it'pretty much feels that someone is strangling my brain because of it.
she lives out in the boonies. for you city folk that dont know what real boonies are, that means out in the bush. there was about six of us sitting around the firepit. end of an era. take another piece out of the puzzle. now it's one less part complete and all the other pieces arent going to hold together the same anymore.
you know what, maybe it's just easuer to stay away once you move cause then you dont have to think this stuff. but then you miss out on the last time's for firepits and bbqs and remembering camping trips.
i was driving back from her place and it was pitch black out. i had on my brights and the trees all looked like skeleton trees.
so, sorry for you fans of little asian girl themed colours, but right now im in a black and white stand outside alone on the balcony mood.
i stopped my truck in the middle of the road. its 2am in the country theres no other cars and no lights. i had never really seen the milky way before tonight. you can see it. its like a band of stars that goes across the sky. it makes you feel very small. you want to know how infinitely small we really are? just look up there. it helps when you're on a dark road in the country with no city lights around. we're so tiny but every little thing in life makes us think the biggest things.


now watch this to reamuse yourself.

we reach the end at the beginning


this douchebag is a real fucktard with not much else to do except suck.

i notice a lack of a profile. way to be guy, let's hide behind anonymity and rip at people. real mature. which might be ironic coming from me, but seriously, if you're gonna razz people, at least have the decency to put a name behind it.

know what? how bout this then, you can make fun of matt and then when your mom dies everyone will laugh at you and call you a whiney little bitch.
so today while mike and i were driving around getting paid to drive around we saw three of those young trailer trash girls, one of whom had a kid in a stroller. you know the type? fifteen, they always wera Fubu and Baby Phat and have white hoodies and ugly fucking skate shoes. and for good measure, they're all smoking. so we drive by, and as we drive by, trailer trash girl mom winds up and fucking pushes the stroller full of baby down the wet sidewalk sans mom holding on right towards a light post.


"im a good mommy! im gonna turn my kid into a projectile!"

fuck, go swallow a knife cause you suck at life!

i get a four day weekend. my weekend will mostly be spent studying. except for tomorrow night when hopefully it will be a big drunk fest. and then back to reading. and then exam. and then maybe go to sounds of the underground if theres any decent tickets left.

i downloaded the first and only season of Undeclared. one show along with Dead Like Me, Carnivale, and Arrested Development that should have never been cancelled. i heart this show because it's oh so true, plus it reminds me a lot of pretty much the entirety of the last four years. ok, so maybe not all four years...maybe just first year. but whatever. it's a good show. i'll probly put off reading tonight and just have an Undeclared marathon til i finish the whole season and fall over on my desk and sleep.

oh, wait, i have to go get a going away thing for julia tomorrow...i can do that when i take a break.

yabba dabba do. blah blah blah.

it's rainy. blah blah blah.

im going now. blah blah blah.

i like your shirt. but you should probly put your jacket back on.


so i got a happy postcard in the mail from marnie who's in spain right now. i guess there's craploads of good ice cream in italy, but a serious lack of slurpees.

im pretty sure i dont really give a shit about work anymore. i can tell cause i didnt give a shit whether or not i painted straight lines on the fields today. shit, if the soccer people want to bitch about it let them paint their own fucking lines.

so i have a sociology final next week. i tried studying today. i fell asleep. im pretty sure this is only like the second time ever ive fallen asleep studying.

ok, im spacing out and really cant think of anything interesting to say so watch this:

it starts with W, or two V's that are real close together


so today i saw a kid with a ramones tshirt on at the skate park. he was with his little buddies. they were all riding pink skateboards. they looks like they were 13.
if you guys can name all the Ramones then you can wear that shirt, otherwise, fuck off and go listen to fall out boy you emo cockfuck. yeah we're soooooooo anarchist man! i have a pink skateboard! fuck the man! we're such badasses! we wear girls jeans and think jade puget is fucking the best rockstart in the world!
k, i have nothing against afi, but seriously.

on our way back from painting fields at the new soccer fields for the rangers tourny this weekend we passed a save on with the irrigation running at lik 3:30 in the afternoon. k, first of all, why the fuck are you running your irrigation at the hottest point of the day when it wont be absorbed?
secondly, i started to think about what would happen if over night it came on and got stuck on and in the morning some little pisshead 14 year old that works there goes in and in his squeaky voice runs over to the manager and lets him know and the manager says go out and fix it and the kid stands there all stupified and doesnt move and then the manager yells and the kid scrambles away to try and fix it and feels totally useless. and then i thought, you know, ive never had a job where ive felt like a useless little shit. the first job i had was on a maintenance crew where i pretty much got to skip the whole squeaky voiced cashier part of life and moved right on to the driving big fucking machines and leaning how to fuck with people and not have anything happen in return.
in my head the squeaky little fucker sounds like the dude in the simpsons who works at crusty burger. you know..."you're taco fell in the deep fryer...i'll get it...ow."
but then i thought that im getting tired of painting lines all the damn time. and while sitting on a mower makes the day go by pretty fast, it just kind of sucks now. ive run decks for 6 years. now all the new people are like "i wanna run a deck i wanna run a deck." and im like "there's totally nothing special about it but ok."

and whats this stigma about christmas grads? so i finish in december and not april. big deal. why does that make some people all weirded out? you know what? i dont care cause when youre studying in the library in april for finals i'll be at the beach. or on top of a mountain with smokies covered in cheese.

oh, and there's a Borat movie coming out. score.

you know whats annoying? if youre in a building and you're like, i gotta take a crap, so youre in there and you flip open the paper, and then like midway the fire alarm goes off. cause then you have to sit there and this a test...or is this real...should i be worried...shit i hope there's toilet paper in i have enough time to finish the sports section... like think about how embarassing it'd be if you were in there and you werent sure and teh fucking door busts open and the firefighters are all GET OUT GET OUT THERES A FIRE!!! and in the heat of the moment you make some panicked noise grab a fucking handful of tp and madly wipe your ass and then yank up your pants and run and when you make it outside someone standing next to you goes "what's that smell?"

and for miss cattapan...

can i talk about what i did last night?


so i got an A on my last essay. which is good cause i think now i go into my exam next week with A-. but seeing as how the final is worth 60%...i could totally botch it and fuck this class up. not likely though, seeing as how it's an essay final and i fucking rock the socks of those.

the outlaw tagged me. so did gwen.

Five things in my freezer:
1. perogies
2. indian candy (or smoked salmon if you prefer the PC version)
3. moose sausage
4. jagermeister
5. six loaves of bread

Five things in the closet:
1. shirts
2. jeans
3. gig bag
4. big box of LEGO
5. golf balls

Five things in the car(truck):
1. corny truckin music
2. a shovel
3. rope
4. clay pigeons
5. a few empty shell casings

Five things in my backpack (um...k, well, seeing as how my backpack and shoulder bags are all empty right now...let's skip ahead to september when classes start):
1. pens
2. mp3 player
3. a spoon
4. advil
5. books

ok i tag....

the gay golfer

oh oh oh!!! and i have to go RIGHT NOW BECAUSE that movie i was tlaking about a while ago...the Road to Saddle River is on and its fucking HILARIOUS so im gonna go watch it.

it's fright or flight