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sh!thawks...on parade: 12.2005

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it's new years eve. i'm in london ontario. i'm having really strange feelings of disassociation and at the same time a childlike curiousity to go and wander around the town.
i think later today i'll book a flight up to ottawa for the 4th.
i miss vancouver.
i'm glad to be here visiting my best friend, but i miss my vancouver ppl a lot right now.
i'm going to call vicki tonight to say happy new year cause i can't give her a new years hug or anything.
ok, i need food, maybe it'll stave off this lamentation and let my inner curious george wake up more.

current mood: an odd mix of "Photograph" by Nickleback and "Creep" by radiohead

float like a feather


last night in town. parent's anniversary. we had crab.
today just seemed to fucking drag on endlessly. i'd have much rather that it decided to zip by at a nice quick pace. i did manage to go see ally's new place and say bye. the one thing i think i'm going to regret the most about leaving this time is that i didn't get to hang out with her as much as i would have liked.

my dad's putting together a 1000 piece Red Green puzzle two feet to my right as i type this.

he just got another piece to fit.

i feel pretty tired and i should go to bed since i have to get up at 4am, but i know i'll probly end up laying on the couch hoping that mythbusters is on or something and not go to sleep til about 1. and i can't sleep on planes. so here's hoping i can find coffee easily enough.

ok, time to go sit on the couch.

current mood: "Burden in my Hand" by Soundgarden

follw me into the desert as desperate as you are


tomorrow's my last day at home. then i go to ontario for a week.
i got new shoes last night. and three of the Alien movies for 30$.
tonight's being pretty anti climactic. it's annoying.
i'm gonna go change that.

current mood: "kids with guns" by gorillaz



why is it that every time i come home i think things are going great, go out for an afternoon with some friends, come home and find out that tomorrow i'm getting 'talked to'...

current mood: deep sigh...eyes cringed...exasperation...

head in hands


welcome to the greatest sales day ever. i'm not braving the malls today. i'm not suicidal.
besides, i have a new volume of family guy to watch and a marshmallow gun to shoot things with.
we have more people coming for dinner tonight. i'm hoping i can escape to julia's maybe before they break out cranium or something...
ok, food time.

cuurent mood: "Layla" by Eric Clapton

it's a marshamallow gun?


say that's a nice scarf. and a cookbook with recipes for weed? how can you go wrong???

family guy volume 3? well, i guess i could say OH YES IT IS!

helloooooooooo dimarzio! mmmmmmmm the sweet sound of perfect cable.....

what's this? a greatful dead trilogy? AND a cookbook with weed recipes? i thought my family knew i wasn't a stoner....damn...guess i'll have to start smoking up all the time now.

oh hells yes. what else can you say to a personal dvd player? oh hellllllllls yes.

ok. so, i know that for most of the year i bitch about the evils of forced thought consumerism and would have no trouble carrying a burning torch into a mall to burn the fucknig thing down...but come on, we all know that when someone puts a dvd player in front of you you're probably going to forgive the ad propaganda for a moment and just soak in all the thoughts about the neat things you get to take home with you.

man...i feel so dirty and happy at the same time for liking all this...

hope everyone had a good day today whatever you did.

current mood: "High Time" by The Greatful Dead

it's all about giving not- holy shit look at this!!


does anyone actually know when Santa's birthday is? i'm gonna say tomorrow cause he can't drink and sleigh tonight.
so if you have all your present unwrapping tonight, then merry christmas eve, and if it's tomorrow, then merry christmas tomorrow.
i went and bought my dad and i one last present which we plan to use before i go to ontario.
hopefully it will not result in me breaking my clavical...and him going totally deaf...but oh will it be fun fucking times!
ally's coming for dinner tomorrow. i'm glad she decided to come over, cause no one should be alone on christmas. especially cool people.
ok, so, i;m being given marching orders to clean up the house, so i salute you all, have a happy happy joy joy christmas and i hope y'all get what you want!

current mood: "Metal Mickey" by Suede



voila the christmas tree in all it's lit up niftiness.

voila my room in the basement. i'll be glad to crash on the mess that is my bed after spending many hours in malls and driving around edmonton today.

current mood: "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Bob Rivers

it's totally not charlie brown's tree


much as i feel compelled to post everyday, since i arrived at home i've felt strangely detached from blogging. so this is just a heads up that most likely i'll be lagging in the posting in the next two weeks. i'll try not to, but there's only so much i can do to avoid getting told by mom to get the fuck off the computer and go do something.

current mood "Only" by NIN

I Just Made You Up

say hello to the biggest fibreglass piece of dogshit you will ever lay eyes on. it's supposed to be a big sausage coil. come on. we all know what it REALLY looks like.

some people think serenity is a quiet room and a book. i couldn't ask for a better morning than this. fresh air and showing dad i can still shoot better than him.

current mood: "Big Me" by Foo Fighters

at least it's not steaming


slept in today. that was good times, haven't had a good sleep in day for a while.
then i went to see mom at the school she teaches at and ended up reading The Night Before Christmas to her grade 1 class.
but the highlight of the day by far would have to be my new matte black Remington Wingmaster 870 Express Super Magnum with interchangeable 2 3/4 inch, 3 inch, and 3 1/2 inch shell capacity. who says santa doesn't deliver early?

current mood: "Born on the Bayou" by CCR

c'est la Boom!


im flying home tonight. gonna sleep and sleep some more and then perhaps eat and try to be merry.
maybe go shoot things too.
current mood: "changes" by Black Sabbath

up up and away


i can't say that i'm completely happy about what happened last night.
and no, you aren't going to find out, if i think you should know then you'll be on my msn list.
getting perspective is a funny thing. i went for dinner on commercial drive with friend brett who works for CBC last night. i was standing at the skytrain station waiting for him watching all the dope deals and can people digging through the garbage.
as much as i feel shitty right now, at least i'm not one of those people.
things have a weird way of working themselves out. good thing i can be patient.

current mood: "Black Helicopters" by Matthew Good

Spille D'Arte

say hello to my present mindset.

current mood: "Bother" by Stone Sour

this is life in black and white

18.12.05 needs to decide whether it's going to play nice or not...

current mood: not fucking happy about much right now


the only worse thing that being stuck up here with a retardedly large amount of assignments to do is being stuck up here after exams are over, no one's around, and there fuck all to do but you can't leave because a) you need to wait for the phone to ring and, b) you can't go over to the house of the one person who's still here cause they had to go run erands. both things i really have no control over, so i shall instead focus my annoyance at the apparition of apathy that hangs like a cloud over this campus.
it feels like it's monday.
seriously, the last couple of hours have felt like a fucking cage.
there's no food in this house.
there's no cable tv.
there's no people.
actually, ok, that's not true. there's a random norweigan guy sleeping in Oyvind's room. but i don't know him and he hasn't come out of the room yet.
i mean, for fuck's sake...i'd fucking go out and do something if i could actually fucking think of something to do but i can't.
blah blah blah.
it's like being in The Shining. a huge empty expanse of rooms.
you can only watch the same episodes of Bob Ross so many times before they lose all meaning...


Best to Keep Things in the Shallow End

little ginger bread house sat out on the front step today.

little gingerbread house had a last picnic today.
little gingerbread house found a box of sand that was sadly too cold to play in today.
little gingerbread house went and thanked the fire hydrant for being so red and nice today.

little gingerbread house found a dark and mysterious cave that he decided to explore today...and was never seen again...

and the moral of the story is, never sit on top of a cold fire hydrant.

current mood: "Haven't Slept in Years" by Matthew Good Band

Haven't Talked To Anybody Else


lookit! isn't he neat!! vicki got me this for christmas. and a neato pin that looks all D&D cool. muahahah.
i think i'll name him Randalf. He looks like a Randalf don't you think?
i managed to make it through about 12 hours last night without actually thinking about blogs. i was impressed.
also, i got two grades back. B in Soc and B- in my magazine class. What the Fuck is up with that? I had better fucking get an A in Media & Audience Research or i'll be right pissed. I worked my ass off this semester, and i do NOT expect B's of any kind.
i think i might start packing to go home. i don't leave for a few days but i might as well.
oh, and the Oilers are going to make the Canucks cry tonight.

current mood: "Cars Hiss By My Window" by The Doors

Like The Waves Down on The Beach


i don't think my brain has quite grasped the notion that i'm finished exams yet. it woke me up at 7am, at which point i told it to shut up and sleep in til at least 7:30.
today i've managed to write all my christmas cards, put them in the mail, play lots of guitar, clean my room, and watch both How the Grinch Stole Christmas and A Charlie Brown Christmas. and it's only 12:30.
vicki gets back today! yay! i think her plane lands in about an hour. i told her i'd make her jet lag tea. i'm not sure if there's such a thing, but whatever.
i have two bottle rockets on my desk. i'm kind of tempted to shoot them off my balcony...
it's kind of weird to think that i'm half done my fourth year of university.
also, i have the words "Kenny Loggins" stuck in my head.

current mood: "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" by Big & Rich

All The King's Horses


i'm glad to see that after i finished my exam you had a chance to get to know Mr. Hunting Knife.
thus the obvious loathing of this class becomes obvious to all those who ask "was it really that bad?"
my wanting to throw a match on it in the BBQ pit was frowned upon.
i are done the semester now. i are going to go eat. i are going to sleep in.
i still have to do my happy dance. maybe after i eat. my exam sucked out my energy.

current mood: "Gamelan" by Epsilon Machine

Dear Kinesiology Textbook

'nuff said.

current mood: "Just So You Know" by American Head Charge

Dear Kinesiology Exam

i gave up on studying Kin tonight. i repetitively read about ten blogs, seeming to have forgotten that i read them already. tomorrow i write my last exam. i don't see why i need to learn kinesiology if i'm getting a degree in communication. why am i learning stuff that my sister who's in nursing at the University of Alberta needs for her degree?
anyone who's been reading this blog for a while has probably followed the ups and downs that this semester has wrought on my mental health. suffice to say, it's far from the worst i've ever experienced. it's an odd combination. i thrive easily on pressure, but i hate it. i enjoy the challenges that school puts in front of me but i can't stand the archaic need that the institution has to put us all on the same page.
why a kinesiology elective? why not a photography class? a class that consists of materials that i'm learning about and discussing. both here adn at the University of Ottawa i asked about getting into a phtography class. if you aren't a declared fine arts major at either university you aren't allowed in. why? why can't i take a class that i can reap the benefits of? why make me take a class i hardly went to because i don't find it interesting and it's early in the morning when i'd rather get in a rare sleep that's longer than 5 hours.
in my own department i can't get in to classes i want to take that belong to the stream i'm interested in. i'm effectively shut out of my education until 49 other people decide they don't want to wait to get in, or i wait another year for the class to be offered. it took me four semesters to get into the magazine class i had this semester.
how can i be expected to learn what the institution wants me to if i can't learn what i want?
i like my field. i like going to malls and unweaving the fabric of the mass messages that hound you every step of the way. i like applying what i'm interested in.
i'm not interested in why homeopathic medicine might not be scientifically proven.
my parents and relatives keep asking me what i'm going to do when i get my degree.
at first i wasn't sure. i have no problem doing labour jobs, i enjoy them. when i worked for Strathcona County the past two summers i actually wanted to go to work every day. i know that this probably wouldn't make some people happy if it were a career move, and constant prodding by family and friends who've said "you'd be a good prof" has found a way to worm its way into my brain and decide that it sounds like a good idea.
i want to go to grad school. i want to be able to look up at a room full of people and say "i'm your prof, and i'll make sure what you learn in here is something you can look back on and realize that you can use it to your advantage." most everyone wants to make a difference. i want my difference to be in the ivory tower telling people why the paint is cracking.
this will mean working my ass off. i need a 3.5 CGPA to even be considered. i have no grades posted yet for this semester, but i'm guessing i'll be around a 3.0 to 3.2.
i remember when i started university and had no idea what i wanted to do. i was a science kid thrust into the civil service, surrounded by politics and not allowed to take a science degree for fear it would interfere with HoC Page duties. maybe it was one of those intricate little nudges that life often gets. i wanted to take journalism. i can write. if there's one thing i hold above the heads of every other academically successful person to walk out the doors of my high school it's the scoring 100% on the written sections for both English and Social Studies. three people in the province scored 100% on the english written that year. far as i know, i'm the only one to have gotten both.
i wanted journalism. i can write. you know what the next nudge was? not wanting to pay for a meal plan at carleton. thus enters the domain of communication at Uof O.
i remeber thinking that i could go to school and my guitar would be my ultimate escape. no confines of education if you can play six strings.
while i haven't washed away that hope, it's certainly been diluted. i love my music but i have neither the time nor the opportunity to exercise it in any way that would allow a sustainable form of freedom right now.
and so enters the prospect of a masters or phd. the pinnacle of professional education in our culture. something i had never really considered before. and then this semester thundered in with the sole purpose of trying to break down the walls i've worked so hard to keep together in my head.
so to this last semester i say this:
after tomorrow i am going to hold up both of my hands to you, give you the finger, and say a big fuck you, you couldn't stop me.
your ethereal attempts to push me to the limit are at an end.
i've made it through your bullsit. i've made it through all the waiting. i've made it through all the picosecond deadlines.
tomorrow i'm free, and nothing you can do can shackle me next semester.

current mood: "Battle of One" by 30 Seconds to Mars

One Nestea Later


ive been studying Kin pretty much non stop since 9:30 this morning. i did laundry over the course of the day.
i introduced my dutch roommate to the notion of cut up hotdog bits in mac & cheese.
i checked my mail.
and i studied. and studied and studied and studied.
i only have two more chapters to go, but i hit the critical mass of knowledge point about five minutes ago
i wanted to go jackie chan on my textbook.
oh, and i was questioned about being nice to someone. whatev. i roll my eyes at the world and move on. for some reason i feel like that effectively explains the french castle scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail...oh you have played with my head...
in 24 hours i'll be done the semester.
no more exams.
no more pencils
no more books.
no more teachers.
dirty crooks and politicians await!
sleeping in without fear of missing a deadline awaits!
food that consists of ingredients other than starch and wheat!
but until that time tomorrow night, i am relegated to the confines of my textbook that makes me go:


current mood: "aaaaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!" much in the tradition of Charlie Brown

I Can't Hear My Brain Anymore

you're a calgary flames fan.

You Should Be Embarrased If...


i'm going to take a study break. i've been listening to recorded lectures since 11am. it's almost 5pm now. here's some things you can see in the general vicinity of where i sit and study:

1. certificate of ordination from the Universal Life Church
2. set list from the November 5 Matt Good show, and the NIN pick i got from that concert
3. a bottle of coke
4. a postcard from italy
5. a bag of orange and black smarties
6. my notes
7. this morning's cereal bowl
8. empty bottles of Big Rock Warthog Cream Ale
9. my webcam
10. a polaroid
11. the phone number of a residence in italy
12. an empty pie dish
13. concert ticket stubs
14. the printer guardians
15. a sticker that says "a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct"
16. reznet tech support number
17. this semesters class schedule
18. cards from ash
19. alabaster mushroom
20. bone shaped pewter sand timer
21. drink umbrealla that i have no idea how it got there
22. my keyboard
23. my stapler
24. my not cell phone phone
25. a speaker
26. mitch the computer
27. the monitor
28. a laser pointer
29. the mouse that glows red underneath
30. the ever important desk. with drawers.

perhaps next time i'll do the rest of the room. right now i'm gonna listen to more lecture.

current mood: "I Want To Be Sedated" by The Ramones

And Now For Your Viewing Pleasure


i got up at 7am this morning. i dont remember the last time i got up that early.
my exam was in some godforsaken bomb shelter of a room in the education building. i think it went pretty well. took me about an hour to finish.
now i get to spend three days studying for Kinesiology...yay shitty electives...

i went to Metro(Metero)Town and Lougheed after to do some more shoppin til i droppin, and get a hair cut. you can see the haircut. you can't see what i bought. unless you want to see the stamps i bought. stamp collector weirdo...

current mood: "The Bad Touch" by The Bloodhound Gang ...which happened to be the song stuck in my head while i was writing my exam...

Is That a Live Monkey?


tomorrow morning i have my first final. it's really not that scary. it's just annoying as hell that it's at 8:30 in the morning in a building i've never been in.
23 hour quiet hours are also annoying because it means not being able to blast my traditional pre-exam slipknot to psych myself up to write it.

here's my homage to a great movie of the 90s.

current mood: "The President's Penis is Missing" by Drive By Truckers

Why Is It In A Room I've Never Heard Of?


so the rez family came over tonight. we made three pots of perogies. then we made a gingerbread house. see, it's all civil and nice.

and now the gingerbreaddies are attacking because they fear imending dooooooom!

they were right too. this is what happens when a gingerbread house is attacked by caramel sauce, uncooked pasta, meat tenderizer for the powdery snow, and just for kicks, a caramel bukkake gingerbread person.

they also brainwashed stevie into eating like three cloves of garlic raw and breathe all over my face. oh god it BURNS!

current mood: "The Doom Song" by Gir

I Can Smell You From Over Here!

i think i've done pretty good so far today...three hours of studying for sociology so far.
a few more hours and my brain will begin to turn into goo and then i'll be able to stop for the day and run around or go off the mountain or something.
oh, and chi-square is a method of calculating the statistical significance of the frequency of a variable that's been calculated to it's mean. but it means nothign on its own and has to be used with a nominal variable...
exciting isn't it?

current mood: "My Country Girl" by Long Tom and The Dusty Danglers

You Mean Chi-Square Isn't a Starbucks Drink?

i'm a big fan of blue guitars.

current mood: "Every Planet we Reach is Dead" by Gorillaz

You're a Star Because!

fuck you paul.
this country is bigger than toronto or did you forget that?
when you have people on camera saying that this is a policy made for Ontario and Toronto, don't expect the rest of the country to feel well represented or happy about it.

Paul Martin Can Eat Shit


our Kin140 group got redo our debate presentation for our prof today. i had to get up early.
i went to help everett go over the essay questions for his CMNS 130 final. i was sitting there thinking 'wow, i actually retained this knowledge'. that's a big feat considering i hate most of communication theory. give me Levi-Strauss for postmodernism, Pierce for icons and indexes, and Hall for semiotics and i'm a happy camper. ok, maybe a little Barthes too, can't have semiotics without Signs.
today i got to remember how much i hate commuting. i went to shaz's and got eaten by a big orange fuzzy hat.
you know how when you live on your own for a while and don't go to a lot of people's houses and when you walk in you get this sense of "i probly shouldn't touch anything because it looks like a museum"? maybe it's just cause there's lots of space there, whereas in our comfy little ghetto of a townhouse there's no really a lot of rooms with high ceilings.
i got to play with a laser pointer and watch cable tv. A+ afternoon in my books lol.
then i got to stand at this bus stop for a bit. it's across the street from a Collosus cineplex theater. as ghetto as the bus stop was, the theatre just fucking scared me because it was huge and ugly and a giant fucking zit on the world representative of over priced popcorn.

current mood: "11th Hour" by Lamb of God

An Afternoon in Larrey


i went to see Chronicles of Narnia with vanessa and her friends. i'm glad that she won press passes and we didn't have to pay, cause it's totally a cheap tuesday movie.
honestly, the best character is the Ice Queen, Santa doesn't drive an armoured sled, and the four kids were probably the least intense warriors ever. it's like whoever adapted it for screen play was like, "let's gloss the book over as fast as we can and make it look real good with the CGI and all and maybe no one will mind that we destroyed the plot."
and since it was the first screening, half the theatre was reserved for the press and disney people, so all the good seats were taken before anyone even got into the theatre.
and liam neeson dooing the voice for aslan...omg kill me now.
either King Kong better make up for it big time, or the next installment better be fifty thousand times better than this one.

current mood: "Riders on the Storm" by The Doors

Quigon Can't Be a Lion!

bunny, dog and duck are the printer guardians.
they're rejoicing along with me because i just printed off my last essay of the semester.
i have two exams now, then i'm done the semester for good. they aren't til next week.
i will now take this opportunity to dance around to Sir Mix Alot.

current mood: "The Theme From Rocky"

Save a Tree, Recycle an Essay


i think i've OD'ed on leafy greens...
i haven't really eaten vitamin rich food like this for a while...i mean yeah i eat food, but a pot of mac and cheese just doesn't have the same vitamin kick that two pounds of sautéed kale does. holy fuck was it tasty.
and now my insides are telling me i'm an asshole for eating that much healthy food at once after i got so used to a minimalist diet.
i did the same thing with wheatgrass shooters from booster juice once. i felt like shit for half a day because i hadn't had that much green stuff in so long.
i think to balance this out i might have to boil up some nice hot dogs that might not be made entirely out of meat.

current mood: "The Killer in Me" by Smashing Pumpkins

That's a Lot of Garlic...


everett and neils i went to see Aeon Flux tonight.
i give it about a 7 out of 10.

i want a gun that shoots infinite bullets...

but i'll settle for a townhouse with this many christmas lights in it.

current mood: "I Don't Mind" by Age of Electric

You'd Better Not Point That At The Screen