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sh!thawks...on parade: 03.2006

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school = water gun
me = cat



a visual analogy if you will

for some reason the thought of falling out of an airplane looking up and not being able to see the ground rushing up to sort of bring the whole smiling at the sky thing to an end seems to be aptly describing the next week i think.

that's a propeller

things i have accomplished today:


things i have seen while accomplishing nothing today:

- a chinese lady with a lemonade stand at the bus stop by the library
- a van with the company name "Tight Contracting"
- a mickey mouse shirt advertising a gang bang
- a store that was only a wall
- a food court with no english in it


im getting annoyed that i cant seem to get a decent amount of sleep.
someone is having a birthday today.
i had this weird dream last night where i was going to a lecture, but i wasnt totaly sure if this lecture really existed at all but i was going anyway and it seemed like i had basically missed almost every class over the semester. and then there was the fact that the class was in my basement at home...
and then there was this part where one of the guys in the class started praying at the prof and i got anoyed and told that i didnt pay money to sit there and listen to him spout of his bullshit so could he kindly shut the fuck up.
and then when i woke up i was all confused as to whether or not i had actually gone an entire semester and forgotten a whole class.
good start to the day hey?

23 is not an evenly divisible number

when there are five slightly drunk international students sitting on a porch on the other side of the courtyard singing "I will Survive" and you go out on your baclony to watch, and then clap when they finish the song, it results in a really shitty impromptu strip show.

learn something new everyday...


two things:
1. this post SHOULD be called "oh sweet irony"
2. im going to keep my mouth shut about this. though no one ate shit. me...slightly disappointed, not gonna lie.

so i've pretty much accomplish fuck all today. which is, you know, a lot less than the more than fuck all i had planned on doing.
ive got a week til my Kids Culture reading journal is due, so im not making a big deal of going "oh SHIT!" this even though i have to write up like a page each for 19 readings that are an average of like 20 pages each...hour a reading...20 hours....4 red bulls....shit i'll have it done by saturday night lol. whatev, it'll be done by tuesday.
then i'll only have one essay left to do. and two videos. and one final. but no reading journal. and i handed in my beast of a kinesiology assignment today. fucker needed a heavy duty stapler.
ok, this is leading to procrastination.
therefore, i will stop now.
and do my work.
like a good student.
a model student.
a student...
ah who the fuck am i kidding lol.
i'll maybe get two done tonight.



look he has a tail!


so, i don't really have any real soup but i have ramen. seems that when you aren't feeling too good you usually eat soup. in this case i made ramen.
then i got to thinking.
what exactly constitutes "vegetable" flavour? i mean, it's a little package of powder, not mashed up peas and carrots.
is it like essence of objects grown in the dirt?
and who decides which vegetables get to contribute?
notice how there's never any ingredient listings on the flavour pouches?
honestly, if i taste this, it does not taste like vegetable. and comparatively, it tastes much the same as the beef and chicken flavour.
so is it like beef flavoured vegetable?
you think there's some dude at the ramen company who sits there all day and mashes up veggies and turns them into powder and snorts it and says to himself "aaaahsooooo! this taste good in watah!"
and like, what about the vegetables that don't make the cut?
i bet there's no potato in this. im also sure theres no it.
what about rutabaga?
or turnip? which is gross anyway.
if i were a vegetable in the veggie sense and not in the brain dead sense, i'd totally feel shunned if no one turned me into a powder to be added to 36 cent noodles.
or what if it's like a hierarchy?
cause you have to admit that out of all the ramen you can buy Ichiban is by far the fucking tastiest. so there's like this vegetable hierarchy from Ichiban down to Mr. Noodle down to Safeway brand, and each step down you get the more outcast vegetables to use.
so by the time you get to the bottom all that's left is like brussels sprouts and artichoke.
which, you know, i never really understood why people don't enjoy those. i like them.
you kno which ramen flavour really sucks though? shrimp. it's disgusting.
if i want shrimp flavour i'll walk over to the fucking frozen foods and get some. powdered shrimp is just nasty. if they powder the vegetables for the flavour what do you think they do with the shrimp?
i bet the ones they use are the ones that get left on the boat and dry up and stick to the deck and then they peel them off and they're easier to powder cause they're already dried out.
apparently there's and official ramen homepage.
then there's the fact that "College kids love ramen noodles as much as they love sexing each other up, plain and simple, and we typically sell new flavors off like hot porn-cakes."
what about ramen flavoured ramen? simplest idea ever.
you know what i want to try? you remember that commercial where the dude makes KD in the washing machine at the laundromat? yeah, i wanna try that sometime.
i don't think it really matters about what flavour of ramen you buy anyway. the only reason people buy it is to eat the noodles.

wholly owned subsidiary

standing up is not my friend.
illness is not my friend.
germs are not my friends.
being unconcious would be a better friend if he came around right about now.
i think im going to curl up into a ball on my bed and hope that i fall alseep and that when i wake up it wont feel like a rollercoaster is in my fucking head.

i cant think of a title


when you are down...

don't go and drown...

turn that frown...

upside down.

current mood: strongbad

ghandi's crisis help line

why would even think i know how to do that?

i feel like ass. the germs are on their way back i think...bastards...

i have a Hatrtford Whalers sticker.


im tired.

how to make amateur porn

fyi, mike coined that phrase in like october. and it randomly popped into my head.
some people might say that a 2am, post final essay writing snack consisting of pickled eggs and orange juice might be weird. to those people i say:


ok, so that one's out of the way. one more essay, a reading journal, two videos and one exam to go. really when you break it down, it's not that much cause the essay will take me like a day. the journal...two or three.

man...definitely should have had more juice...that egg aftertaste is taaaaaangy.

current mood: "50 Mission Cap" by the Hip

strip clubs smell like twat and lysol


im halfway done my essay. it's a final essay. it's not due til next wednesday. i could actually finish it tonight if i so choose. however, i've hit the halfway point and think i'll take a break for a bit. it's on how West Edmonton Mall shapes social interactions in consumers. it's way more fun than kinesiology which i finished on friday and want to burn, but have to hand in soon.

i found a bunch of old NHL stickers. i can tell theyre old because on of them is a North Starts sticker.

and tonight im rooting for LA cause the cansucks can blow me. 10th looks mighty suitable for them doesnt it?

ztap yb ?eseehc

structural features of west edmonton mall.

the economic impact of a mega-multi-mall

when the global meets the local at the mall

west edmonton mall as a center for social interaction

social-psychological significance of store space

ambient noise inside a mega-mall

theatrical antecedents of the mall that ate downtown

Consumer decision-making styles and mall shopping behavior: Building
theory using exploratory data analysis and the comparative method

8 journal articles: 6$ to copy


1 ticket to a concert: 47$

new audiocrush:


a four way blarf


if you happen to want, or know anyone who wants, say...two thousand hockey cards....

i failed to accomplish much of anything today. turns out we didnt need to go film at metrotown, so i slept in more.

then i went and sat on a couch and watched discovery channel for several hours.

what a good example of a student i

have you seen this one?


still in it.

you have a game about residence?

i really have no desire to do more work today, but if i dont that would be bad and id fall behind again.
tomorrow i get to go to metrotwon with the vidkid group for my kids culture class and do some research at a gaming convention.
my brain really just wants to turn off right now.
i know id rather be doing something else other than school stuff right now, but the biggest problem is that i can't decide what i'd rather be doing so inevitably what happens is i sit here for like an hour just kind of doing nothing with my books all open spread out everywhere in here just gathering dust.
im gonna open winamp and im gonna put in the set list from the novmember 5th matt good concert now. because its pinned to my wall and i can do stuff like that.
did i mention im procrastinating?

the fridge army


best show ever.

i've got a purple post-it

you know the sad thing about this semester? fridays are like the most pointless days of my week school wise. i have a four hour seminar in sociology that is basically boredom and mental pain wrapped into one, and then i come home and do homework til like midnight. on a friday.
im blitzing on my fucking kines assignment tonight. gonna get it done even if i have to stay up til 4am. it's not due til thursday but i hate it that much.
ok, well maybe not 4am. at some point im gonna have to go randomly run around campus.

current mood: "Castles in the Sky" by Gigi d'Agostino

no i want to keep the mini pencils


listen to the smelly dot blogspot dot com.

also, verb* the adjective** nouns***.

k, so, everett and i did show up to the buzznet/blogger thing in november. we made it to the front door. obviously we did not know the password was "yes they are expecting us" or the stupid front door lady would have granted us passage into the place. let's see how she does on the bridge of death...what? youre favourite colour isn't blue? too bad.


therefore, if you are coming and you know me let me know so i can tell smelly how many ppls are coming so we can figure out total numbers and whatnots.

and now i will try to finally finish thie kines project.

current mood: "Windowlicker" by Aphex Twins


poo on the Canucks! that's right! excrement on them!

mark off this day on your calendars.

well the good news is his head isnt in the storage room


ok, seriously, how fucking hard is it to just leave me a message about something? both my mom and my sister lately are just fucking blitzing me with messages and phone calls and emails that are so fucking redundant i just want to yell and throw my fucking phone out the goddamn window.
my parents are going to vegas on monday so i wont have any calls for a week. good.
honestly, one of the things i like the most about being at home is the fact that my dad and i can go out to the country and shoot old frying pans. couple of rounds of 12ga shells clears that stress right up. and dont anyone go and turn this into an anti gun thing. youve got your relaxing activities and ive got mine. mine just happen to be loud and have a trigger sometimes.
sigh...i miss my wingmaster...

some of the lights on my balcony are shorted out. id go see why but its wet out and they're still plugged in.

im almost done that stupid kinesiology assignment, but i just started a new stephen king book that id much rather read than work on anything.

i think over the next week i should just not leave my house at all and finish all my final essays and projects and then all i'll have to do is the video project. i shall subside on ramen and brown beans in a can. and i shall be called Room Guy and i shall make friends with a squirrel that will appear in the tree outside and he shall stand on my shoulder and dictate the words to the essays.

current mood: "Everybody" by Stabilo Boss

redundancy claims another victim

i think ive had far too much to eat in the last 18 hours.
i feel like hibernating.
im listening to the guitar parts i have recorded on my computer.
i got to one and all of a sudden it made me remember what it was like going to have dinner at my grandma's place for dinner all the time before she died.
i have no idea why this one random line i recorded made me remember that...the dishes that were used, the smells, the feel of the carpet...
she had a really big fridge which was the kind where the freezer was on the bottom, and i always wondered how she got stuf on the top shelf in the fridge part because she was short.
my sister and i each had own own cups for coke there.
after dinner we'd play rummy.
i havent really thought about this in a while...
i was living in ottawa when i found out she'd passed away. i got home from ash's place and i checked my messages and there was one from my mom and she had a weird tone in her voice and told me to phone home no matter what time it was. it was like 11:30pm there.
my mom wanted me to write a poem about her for her memorial. my family and relatives and family friends covet my poems. i dont like to make them public that much but i cant really say no to that. i always thought it was weird how at the memorial people would take a copy and read it and then find out i wrote it and come over to me and tell me that i captured her spirit in words. i havent thought about it in a while...
i have this guitar part on repeat. all i can see in my head is the dining room in her condo. but it's empty...
she always did like when i played music for her.

they never go away


july 11 in edmonton.
with Lamb of God and Children of Bodom!!!!


current mood: "Reigning Blood" by Slayer

the newspaper said they're evil

apparently some kid in one of the new buildings died. i know rez admin will try to keep it under wraps but come on, it's rez, we'll find out how he bit it soon enough.

im downloading The Big Lebowski just so i can watch the scene where john goodman goes apeshit on the corvette. wanna know something funny? the very same car has been parking around here lately. kind of makes me want to go get a crowbar and go take a picture.

"this is what happens when you immitate a movie larry! THIS is what HAPPENS when you IMMITATE a movie larry!"

i also crave chocolate dipped mini doughnuts...which i happen to have.

current mood: "My Michele" by GnR

black label laundry?





current mood: "Blough at High Dough" by The Tragically Hip

Let's Compare


so, i opted to not wear the skin tight leopard print pants cause there was no rolling stones songs on any of the karaoke cds. how dumb is that?
i look fucking skinny as hell. apparently my Body Mass Index has me listed as underweight. fuck you too kinesiology.
i switched the order of my songs around cause i figured if i sang a relatively nice song first i could sing Lump for the second round.
i am such a good schemer.
because my scheme worked.
the first round was country music central.
and then i went first for the second round and just about broke the stage jumping around and screaming and bashing the mic into my head.
what? that's one of the lines! "she's in my head"
i think ive been watching too much Viva La Bam or something.
anyway, i got a rather pleasing collective gasp from the crowd. gotta put on a good show you know.
i was talking to smelly today and we figured since she's going to australia and im going home for the summer we need a blogger partay of sorts before we leave.

april 8. mountain shadow pub. burnaby.

time is yet to be decided, and i got bored of studying today and started on some poster type things.
im gonna go ahead and say if you you think it's a dumb idea you're a loser.
you'd be so much of a loser even Napolean Dynamite would call you a loser and be right about it.
ok, now it's time to go to 7-11 and buy mucho hotdogs.

current mood: "Boll Wevil" by The Presidents of The United States of America

totally confused all the passing pirhanas