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sh!thawks...on parade: 10.2006

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today i had a good day.
today i had a turkey and cheese sandwhich for breakfast with a Columbian Dark Roast and Medium Jave mix to wash it down.
today everett and i took the skytrain to the VCC-Clark stop and made fun of community college kids.
then we took the 84 to granville and walked around looking to hand out resumés. we didnt manage to hand out that many but whatever.
today we gave our resumes to the Granville Island brewery.
today we killed lamb chops with a crocodile and said something abotu steve irwin.
today we met a crazy game technician who was fixing one of those impossible to win the PSP as the ultimate prize game who had gross teeth.
today we saw hairy old lay ass crack in the granville market and laughed.
today i gave my resume to some random toy store in the granville kids market cause honestly youd get to be surrounded by toys all day.
today we remembered just how lame Brentwood Town Center is.
today we decided American Eagle can go fuck itself.
today i started to figure out how to take field notes on blogs.
today i made tasty pasta.
today i dressed up in the best costume ever it was my oilers jersey and 1990 cup champ shirt because the canucks lost tonight and i dressed up as the division rival.
today i watched the canucks lose.
today i got to sit on danielle's couch and watch chad be emo that the canucks lost.
today i got asked an uber montage of mom like questions from danielle's mom but that was ok cause her mom is pretty cool.
today i got to have chocolate cake cause it was danielle's mom's birthday.
today i got to sit in a house and for the first time in a long time feel totally comfortable about not being in my own house.
today i got to see hoardes of kids running around in costume because it isnt minus 30 on halloween here and it made me want to watch Ernest Scared Stupid.
today i feel like things are back under control.
today i had a good day.

but wheres the deathstar? i want the deathstar!


phone calls are a good things to get.
they can remind you about how things might not be as bad as you think.
am i having fun anymore? not really. im less than two months away from completing my undergrad. i should be happy about that, i am. i have a very pervasive headache today. im almost done this degree but thats not really making anything any easier. i also have those less than two months to find a job and a place to live or else i get to pack up and move home again which i dont want and in my mind view as a personal failure. ive said that to myself for the last four years and the only time i managed to make it happen it ended in a horrible fucking way. im not even sure i could sleep this off right now, i dont feel like sleeping at all. i feel like sitting in the corner and staring at nothing and hoping the world goes away or decides to slow way the fuck down so i ca get my bearings again. ive been hanging on by a few fingers lately. i can feel all those little cracks feeling the strain again. i managed to keep them all in check last year. in two months from now can i say the same thing? im not really sure. my mom tells me im not good at dealing with change. maybe to an extent. my life has been lived in bubbles for the last five years. im home im away im home im away im home im away. im getting sick of it. my room is a disaster. i could clean it but i pretty much lack any shred of motivation today. people keep asking me if im going to dress up or do anything for halloween and i say no i dont really feel like it. i dont feel like it cause whats the point? i dont really remember a halloween in the last few years where ive actually done anything worthwhile anyway. the first one i spent away from home i sat in my cramped fucking dorm room in ottawa in a bad mood writing an english paper because out of the 20 or so people on my floor i was the only one who wasnt old enough to go out with them. fuck you ontario and your 19 age limit. i dont even remember what i did last year. i remember two years ago what happened and that wasnt a good ending. fuck. i wanted to get five more pages of my big essay done this weekend but only managed three. i told my uncle that and he seemed surprised but i told him id hit that wall and he said yeah the only thing you can do then is go for a walk and have a beer cause you wont get anywhere if you try. i tried to tell myself to work on it more today. nope. i did some sociology work because i have to start taking field notes and surprise surprise my project is on bloggers so i can actually sit here in abject misery reading blogs and actually be doing school work. bonus. an hour a day for two weeks i can take notes and then write up a short summary and theres another A assignment because my prof likes what im doing but im starting to wonder how much time this willa actually take up because i havent even begun to really dig in to any project yet and i have to get a job too. i used to write a lot. and not like blog writing. i mean real writing. i wrote lots of lyrics and stuff. now when i try to sit down and think of them i come up blank and it worries me. i think i should take some advil or something. im not really a big pill person. last summer i talked with my mom about going to talk to a shrink and then i said no because all they'll do is say take these pills that will kill any sort of original idea you might ever have. plus i have this really big fear of becoming addicted to any pill that isnt a gravol or an advil. in class the other day we were paired up to talk about our projects and when i told my paired up partner about blogs and how everything you write is open to the public she gasped and wondered why people would do that. i know im writing this for me cause i need to get this out but i know that people will read it and really i dont give a fuck because you can either read it and shrug or say something and all i have to do is fucking ignore it if i dont like it. fuck i dont know. this is going to be a long fucking week. theres this little voice in the back of my head that keeps asking me what i'll do if i dont get into grad school and i just keep telling it to shut the fuck up la la la la la because if i pay attention to it then i have to deal with it and i dont really want to do that because that would really fucking suck. i know thats something that i need to consider but i dont want to because i dont know what i would do then. ive put a lot of time and effort into considering what i want to do in grad school and if i dont get in its like hey the rug just got pulled out from uner you and now theres the ground rushing up at your face and oh shit this is gonna hurt what the fuck should i do. both feet firmly on the ground doesnt exactly work out if theres no ground under them to stand on. i feel better writing this but its not going to solve anything. the next four weeks are going to consist of oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck i need to get this done done done fuck fuck fuck. gah. i havent found a penny for a while. maybe thats why. i have lots of pennies but i havent found one for a while so i cant say find a penny pick it up and all the day youll have good luck. i need to find a penny and then everything will be ok. fuck you i can have my own totems. now go and do something and if you say 'youre being emo fucktard' then i dont give a fuck im allowed an emo outburst every once and a while so eat it. i read my horoscope and i just cant pull it off alone.

say hello, well is it strange where you are?

its gonna be a long week.
i think its time i wallow in introspection for a day or two.
a good thing?
not in the sense that it will get anything really done, but yes because it gets it out of my system which means i can hit the projects like a motherfucker after.
i swear i spent all night sleeping thinking that some german dude was yelling the same sentence at me over and over and i kept yelling back that i dont spraken the fucking german but he kept at it. except for achtung. i know that word. but the rest...sorry angry yelling german guy, look i know your language is perfect for doing that, but seriously. you greatly disturbed my sleep.
i have a big fucking headache and it sucks.

get him a speedo and a hat


who says theres no such thing as time travel?
im pretty sure that while everett and mike and i were watching Ghostbusters last night we time travelled cause at 2am it went back to 1am.
fuck daylight savings. its time travel.
and we decided to watch Ghostbusters because the Real Ghostbusters cartoon came on after Bromwell High and we were both like OMFG YES!
and then we started saying who had which toys.
he had more than i did.
but i had the car.

so the whole hour back thing confused my brain when i went to bed. or it could have been the going to bed at 3/4am and having the phone wake you up and it's your sister wanting to know what the name for fossilized dinosaur poop is, ok it's coprolite, is that it for sure, yes, ok were you still alseep, yeah kinda, oh...well have a good sleep, ok bye.

it was windy as fuck last night.
a tree fell over in the forest.
it made noise.

tonight my aunt and uncle and i are going to have the greatest burgers ever in the whole GVRD.

this motherfuckin post has motherfuckin substance like motherfuckin snakes on a motherfuckin plane had a decent motherfuckin plot. hah!

penny nickle quarter what rhymes with loonie?


so i got 92% on my sociology proposal.
sweet jebus yes.
i should have done a double major.
im working on my monster paper again.
slowly but surely going to work up to ten pages today.
and then i will stop.
ive been like really stupidly tired lately.
sometimes a little dazed.
i think if im still tired feeling on monday i will go to the clinic.
and i keep wanting to snack but i dont really have snack food.
but i got 92% on my proposal.
counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums.
im worried that this essay wont have enough substance.
ive done long essays before.
but this one just seems hugely demanding.
i'll just keep plunking away.
hey. hey. hey. dont fret precious im here.
step away from the window.
go back to sleep.

congrats pitt and outlaw.

isolate you and save you from yourself


so i decided to take the interview for the Christian job thing and see what happens.
i can always say ive found like...bhudda or something...
i downloaded the Quake 3 demoe cause i felt like it and i can zap bots.
i have chocolate chip and pecan cookies and they are good to eat.
per two cookies there is 1.5g of trans fat.
goddamn you cookies.
damn you for tasting so delightful and being so bad for me.
seriosuly, who only ever eats two cookies?
last time i had a bag of cookies i ate the entire thing.
the only thing i would ever eat only one of is Lays chips, just one Lay, because then you can be like "Fuck you Mark Messier, Fuck you."
has anyone else heard about how all the MPs want to do something about banning all trans fat in food in canada? think about the ramifications of this.
convinience stores everywhere would be fucked.
what would they do if they couldnt sell you endless bags of salted peanuts or synthetic marshmallow something?
Wunderbar used to be my fav chocolate bar.
i dont think i favour anyone over another anymore.
except maybe almond mars bar but for some reason that is the most difficult to find chocolate bar in existence.
i mean really, why have almond snickers everywhere and no mars bar version right beside it?

tomorrow is outlaw and pitt's wedding. cheers you two.

you look like Bob Saget


im so out of it today its not even funny.
it was pretty much a struggle to focus on one sentence in class.
we watched a movie and there was discussion and i suggested one thing and my prof was like "YES! and??" and i was like "smile stupidly and nod your head because you totally just zoned out again and havent got a clue whats going on."
but then there was one point where, k you know in Old School when they have to debate James Carver and Frank just whips out the best possible explanation and kicks ass and then cant remember how he did it, i had one of those moments in class too. best PR defence ever. forgot it all right after i said it.

so i got an email back from a company i sent a resumé to finally.
the irony is that it's the company i sent one into for fun because it's for a Christian marketing company.
so i will put it to all of you.
should i indeed go for this one even with my inherent disdain for all that is organized religion?

ok, let's broach another topic now.
i feel that when you have fried eggs, otherwise known as the sunnyside up variety, that you MUST have at LEAST two slices of toast because without them when you eat the eggs you'll end up with a big mess on your plate from the yolks. therefore, the toast becomes the essential tool with which to sop up said yolk and enjoy it. plus, you can clean up your plate with it and you wont have a huge mess that you have to wash down the sink. thoughts?

last one.
do you think there's any irony in playing a first person shooter while listening to Matt Good?

my plate is full and im still empty


its a bitter game for Oilers fans tonight.
only victory and Pronger getting bitch slapped on the ice will sate us.

i had a weird dream last night that i was watching another asshat's relative give a driving class and i was watching from inside a car and i watch one guy back into a tree and fuck up the car he was driving and then i drove somewhere but there was no power steering and it sucked to drive that car.

life has decided to become decidedly cyclical in what daily undertakings i redundant sentence...

i get up, i have breakfast, check email, check job postings, look at school stuff, apply to more jobs, sit here and think about what i should attempt next.

i will attempt to get you to read this if you are a Flames fan.

and here
the leafs suck

this is a commercial


im on an uber Tragically Hip venture lately.

one of my roommates says that when i cook rice it smells like tacos or something. or corn chips. i think it smells like rice cooker.

i can tell how far along in the semester it is by the amount of mess in my room.
at some point i pretty much just get home and dump shit where ever theres free space.

and then sometimes there isnt any, so i put it on the bed.

but then,

at night i just dump it on the floor and try not to step on it in the morning.


i also had a black cherry vanilla coke, but i drank it so now i put water in it.

but really, black cherry and vanilla? is that like some weird product placement for equality?

kevin and his roommate and i were playing halo and i was playing someone else's guy and my guys name was kennyg woo, and then we determined that tiger woods is a jiggawoo. i cant really remember the inbetween part that lead up to that. but yeah. i dunno. somehow i doubt that'll really catch on.

no one in my class today cried foul that my presentation was about the inefficacies of the Firearms Act. i was a bit surprised when over half the class put their hand up when i asked who had fired a gun before. there went my "you all have very little idea of what im talking about so listen up" ness.

i was emphatic about my being more socialist and still not liking the registry. i was emphatic that flannel and a mullet are not fashion mainstays for me. my prof enjoyed that.

i am being emphatic that my dinner is fucking tasty as fuck.

corn speaks to its splintered legions

this is why i dont eat fast food anymore


ive applied for eight more jobs today. i have three more.
i went and played some street hockey to get some fresh air.
now i hurt and i am sore and tired and want to sleep.
i had chicken fingers for dinner.
i didnt have ketchup so i stole some BBQ sauce. it tasted gross.
i am going to have gross BBQ sauce fueled dreams tonight.

9 points

I could make you scared if I want me to
I'm not prepared, but if I have to
He said I can make you scared
It's kinda what I do
If you are prepared to
Here is what I propose to do
Your in Russia
And more than a million works of art
Are wisked out to the woods
When the Nazis find the hole place dark
They'd think god's
Left the museum for good

I make you scared, if that's what I do
If you're prepared , if I have to
If I make you scared and you pay me to
If that's the deal
Now here's what I can do for you
Now there's a focus group that can prove
This is all nothing but cold calculations

Tests have shown that suspicious or hostile
Their lives need not be shortened
Truth be told
They can live a long,long wile
Tickled to death by their importance

If you make me scared
If that's what you do
If I'm unclear can I get out of this thing
With me and you
If you feel scared or a bit confused
I gotta say This sounds a little beyond anything I am used to

Now there a precious few
That can prove that at the root
That is all nothing but cold calculations

Clearly entranced you're leaning back now
Defanged destroyer limps into the bay
Down at the beach it's attracting quite a crowd
As kids wade through blood out to it and play

OK you make me scared you did what you set out to do
I'm not prepared , you really had me going there for a minute or two
He said, you make me scared too,
I wasn't through I was getting through
I gotta go, it's been a pleasure doing business with you

goodnight josephine


i dont play a lot of computer games anymore because i get really caught up in them and then i dont get anything done.
but my cousin bought Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter for my uncle and he hadnt played it yet so i played it tonight for like three hours.
and i got frustrated that i kept dying at first so i just kept playing.
i even played through mythbusters, thats how involved in the game i was.
but thats ok cause i have cake and cookies and michelinas from my aunt and that is cool.

en berne


i wrote 5 pages out of 26 today. that paper isnt due til december 8th.
i cooked real food today.
i have been playing the Hip for 10 hours straight.
i got to watch a gun show.
it is a good day today.
sharks dont attack the irish.

now you look like midgets

look, if youre gonna go see it then youre gonna have to get stoned and get drunk as fuck and go and see the fuckin movie.
i mean ya i could perscribe it like it was a fuckin good show about julian and bubbles and ricky all getting ready to go get their life back together and start growin the dope again and fucking with lahey and the fuckin hamburgler, but i mean you just gotta go see it for yourselfs.
i mean if youd rather stay home and bang someone thats cool, but look hes got great hash and booze and theyre gonna get fucking drunk as fuck so why not go have a good fucking time with them?

remember kids.

dont give numbchucks to an angry guy with glasses.

hey its hugh dillon


gonna go refuckulate it with smelly and chad tonight.


so for my sociology class we had a mock focus group and i was in it and our prof changed the subject to "what do canadian undergrads know about gun control" and i laughed. and i am the only person in the class of about 40 to have ever owned/fired/held one. and then i got asked "hey what does it feel like to own/fire/hold one?" but they all did agree that i did not wear flannel nor did i have a mullet.

so then when we had a break at around 7:30 i went down to the timmy's on the side of harbour center for a large double double and an everything bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese because that is THE greatest bagel combo to ever exist EVER.

and then while i was in line to get my everything bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese that is the greatest bagel combo to ever exist ever the door FLIES open and these girls start to march in.
and all these girls are in halloween costumes
and all their costumes are skanky versions of skanky costumes.
there was about twenty of them.
and they had all upped the skank factor about 40 kiloFruits.

if you dont know what a kiloFruit is too goddamn bad for you.

so theyre all drunk and in skanky costumes and twirling around trying to warm up their thongs or something and making a lot of noise and having almost no shame at all leaving the rest of us in line to just kind of stand there and do a collective "um...ok...?"

and then they all went and stood outside.

and i took the door out that would not lead me directly past them so i would not have to listen to them any second longer than needed.

and i make it about two steps up the street and they all started walking the same way.

and then.

then they all started singing


and youd hope that they would know the whole song.



and i almost turned around to tell them to shut the fuck up because no one likes Panic at the Shitsco and by no one i mean me because it's possibly the champion of all shitty fucking whiny pathetic emo rock wannabe songs.

so i walked faster and hoped they wouldnt notice me and yell at me to slow down or something as large groups of drunk skank costumed skanky looking drunk girls may or may not do i dont know.

and then i made it back to class and no sooner had i put my coffee and bagel down than class started again and we had to pair up and i ended up at the back of the class having left my coffee and bagel two rows down and i sat there for a good fourty minutes just watching it and thinking how sad it was that it was getting colder by the minute and i hadnt even taken more than two sips.

and by the time class ended it was less than lukewarm and i was sad because cold timmy's coffee is probly one of the grossest things ever and you cant eat the bagels after they cool down cause they get all hard and stale.

woe for my timmys. WOE!!! WOOOOE!!!

are you woe-ing yet?

so shes a nun? i thought she was a lesbian?

for lack of me caring that i have stuff to do and my incredible ability to allow laziness to control virtually every action i do in certain cases, i have been sitting here clicking the Next Blog button for a good hour.
if you ever needed a good reason to learn spanish that would be one.
seriously, id have to say at least 90% of the Next Blogs are in spanish.
and i found one pyromaniac Evangelical.
and one neo nazi.
and one crazy stalker for some dude on smallville.
and one all about rabbits.
and many more in spanish.

watch these:

are they going to let you push the button?








i cant imagine that this movie will get a good reception in the US but too fucking bad for them. its the kind of movie where you hope the people in it go and see it just to see how fucking stupid they look.

please to have traditional cheese. it is made by, uh, his wife from milk of tit.


i like you, do you like me?

"I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do."

good advice from a computer.

social issues presentation...check.
email profs...check.
apply for more jobs...check.
organize research...check.
clean room...check.

feel accomplished...?

in the last week ive probly gotten more done than in the last month but it all just seems a bit too short of coming to any sort of appreciable end.
im constantly reminded of how much there is to do in such a short span of time and im pretty sure i could do without that.
you know that picture of johnny cash giving the finger to the camera? id like to be able to present that attitude to life when it decides to come knocking with it annoying fucking reminders but i cant. at least not all the time.

ive been sitting here for five hours now. in that time i started and finished a powerpoint presentation, applied to three more jobs and found some more to apply to, found videos online that have to do with a class and forwarded them to my prof, made food, and reorganized notes and research and books into something more decipherable.

i was kind of hoping that all that would take me a lot longer because now im sitting here with nothing to do thinking i should be doing something or else i'll hit that point where you start to feel guilty that you arent doing something after youve gotten so much done but cant find anything to do so you just sit there and try miserably to think up something to occupy yourself with.

im pretty much at a standstill for class work because ive finished everything i can do, and even my uber huge 26 pager for my public opinions class i cant realyl work on because i have enough archival material but i cant do anything else until i talk to my prof tomorrow about other sources of info and what i have to do to get at them.

i dont want to watch a movie because then i'll get caught up in watching it and then watch another one and then feel like i totally wasted four hours.

i coudl apply to more jobs but my brain wont take much more of that today.

fuck it.

i get to go see the Borat movie tonight with my friends. BORAT!!! so there is that to look forward to.
and i actually have a decent amount of food and can make a good meal.
and im actualyl organized.
and i do have lots of stuff done that i would otherwise have left to the last minute.
and i am warm because i have a cool friggin hoodie.
i think i'll do a redesign maybe.

ps. i like your new dress.

pss. happy birthday to tasha

psss. city hall employees need to be in their offices more.

pssss. i feel like makin bakin.

i've been drowned out by the rain