we all feed on tragedy

so i was all ready to come and write about how Tool is tomorrow night and how fucking insane it's gonna be but i guess things find their way up through the cracks and find you at some point even if you've pretty much washed your hands of it long ago.

so im sitting here about to type and my dad walks in and hands me the phone.

"hi pat? it's K. O."
*me thinking...why the hell is K. O. phoning me in a teary voice...*
"hey how's it going?"
"ok, but i have some bad news..."
*me thinking fuck J done gone and kilt hisself*
"...D.D. died last night."
*me thinking wrong person but i got the dead part right*
"oh. that sucks. how?"
"did you hear about that hit and run last thursday?"
"um....i think so?"
"that was him. he's been in a coma and he passed away last night."
"oh."
"a bunch of us from OLPH got together and we thought we should phone you and J. and E and A. and let you guys know."
*me thinking oh sweet irony that it's the four of us they had to call...*
"So do you think you can make it to the funeral?"
"um, when is it, i have to go back to vancouver next week, but if i cant you can certainly pass on my condolences."
"we're not sure, they havent planned it they were hoping he'd pull out of the coma."
"oh."
"do you still talk to J?"
"no. i havent talked to him for like two years."
"oh...what about E or A?"
"yeah a bit. E will have A's number. it's NUM-BERS"
"ok, thanks, have a good one."
"you too."

and i bring the phone back up and my dad's sitting on the couch and i tell him and im like "it's funny cause the last few ppl to know are me E, A and J." which for some reason results in...

youre the last to know cause you have a jewish background...i remember there was one smart girl who lived out by julia...when i worked on the barges i had to tie up cables...fucking catholic hipochrasy your sister's best friend's sister who is getting married cant tell the grandparents that her and her fiance already bought a house and will live there til the wedding because the grandparents are so religious that if they find out they'll cut them off.

um. ok.

so now i have some things to decide. the main thing is if i really care. i know that sounds shallow, but beyond the fact that i went to school with him for 13 years there's nothing much else. i mean, there was a core 20 of us who pretty much new everyone else but life does go on and im pretty sure that i'll be the one person who doesnt care the most. it sucks cause he's dead yes, but did i ever really consider him a friend of mine? no not really. am i glad to have had someone from our school tell me rather than find out on the news? yeah i guess.
do i want to go to the funeral? no not really. not because its a funeral for a guy i never really had anything in common with, more so because it would mean having to talk to people i really have interest in seeing or talking to. when the ten year high school reunion rolls around we'll see, but right now i have a Tool concert and packing and Vancouver.

im pretty adamant about the fact that i dont really care what happens when i die because im not dead right now and im not going to spend a lifetime philosophizing about it. you live, you die, thats about as simple as it gets. but i guess something like this make it cross your mind. im pretty sure id know who would show up to my funeral if i died this weekend. it's the people i wouldnt expect to show up that would be the interesting thing to see. which i guess would be hard to see if youre dead but whatever.

i think im going to get a haircut tonight.

i had my appraisal at work today. im welcome back next year. it's good to know i have job security lol.

*ahem*

TOOL!!!!!!!!!



that's right. tool.

we all feed on tragedy