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sh!thawks...on parade: 06.2006

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today i made chewbacca noises and held aloft a pvc thing with metal ends and said "now im a stormtooper bang bang bang!!!"

pitt interviewed shaz. i read it when i got home.

paper! YEAH! scissors! YEAH! stone! PHILIPS!

water water water comes out of a hose hose hose, and it sprays sprays sprays til it's TIME TO GO HOOOOOOME!

i got a letter from myself from high school in the mail today cause we did that in religion 30 and then we got them mailed to us like 5 years later or whatever and my envelope says "HOLY SHIT IS RELIGIOUS!!" and it has Ozzy written on it. i remember writing this. i remember sarnecki saying "if you make ajoke out of this, when i mail it to you in five years and you open it you'll feel bad that you didnt write something serious." so ive made it a point to never forget it, and remember that i didnt fucking care about this assignment and so no i dont feel bad and i think it's kind of funny cause i think what i wrote in it is abso-fucking-lutely the truth:

"i dont know what to tell myself. i cant relate to something that hasnt come to pass yet."

i guess also i had shitty dating experience in high school and by now i should be playing the second stage at ozzfest.


no chewbacca it goes:



dont be afraid of acronyms


i told you his wife is a bitch.



Spider Man 3 is going to be fucking amazing.


symbiot means at some point venom has to show up.

also some quick shots of The Sandman and harry as Green Goblin.

i NEVER EVER thought that they'd do spidey with the symbiot!

oh my fucking god yes

AC 27 is out. GO LISTEN BITCHES!!!

today's quote of the day: "So, I was thinking of you the other day when I was going to the washroom."

so i was rockin the white ghetto look at work today. pimp my hose and such.
i am definitely not the coolest person i know, BUT i am the most ghetto-est person i know in coveralls.

mike and i came up with some things we can say for various jobs we have mastered at work:

meCANincs - unflattening flattened garbage cans

when a problem comes along we can WHIP IT - weed whipping

um...yeah i forget the others.

ok, so, REALLY FAT PEOPLE listen! no one wants to see you walking around in the thirty degree heat. blobby things tend to lose their viscosity in the heat, so please either douse yourself in ice or stay inside where the rest of us dont have to watch a saggy, drippy, rolling mass of skin goo.

i think the heat is melting away any clever things that im thinking about cause i think im thinking less clever things to think i think im thinking.

such a ghetto day, the most ghetto-est day of my life


when i was a kid no one had superman toys. we had batman toys. everyone knew who superman was and what he could do, but how many kinds of superman could you have? one. how many kinds of batman? lots.
we had a hierarchy of batmans. the original black was number 1, and the gold batman, the one i had, was number 2, and then silver, and then blue and then green. i had the gold batman. this was probly a good thing since i was the star trek/science/dorky looking/didnt dance or play school sports kid. ok ok, so this was in grade 2 but whatever. i had the gold batman. gold batman could kick the shit out of superman any fucking day.

so im on one of the ball diamonds in a golf cart today and i see tow kids on the bleachers by the track fucking around at the bottom of the tower in the middle of the bleachers that's locked to keep kids out.
so i drive over.
"what do you think you're doing?"
"trying to get the lock off so i can play in there."
"...get off the bleachers."
WTF??? usually when people are doing something they arent supposed to and a guy drives up who works at the place youre fucking around at, YOU STOP WHAT YOURE DOING AND ACT ALL INNOCENT.
it's like "hi mr. security guard, im just trying to break in the window to steal some shit, so can you leave me alone?"

i dropped $8 on parking last night. it took me a half hour to find a second cup in downtown edmonton. this being the ONLY coffee shop i found in downtown edmonton. PEOPLE FROM VANCOUVER SHOULD NEVER COME HERE AND EXPECT TO GET COFFEE VERY EASILY!
i needed change for parking.

so i met simon at the sherlock holmes pub cause he's working for Dion in the liberal leadership and there was supposed to be a youth type thing at the pub. i think the word "youth" got left out in the pamphlets. and why the fuck do regional organizers for political events ALWAYS have to be tall, fat guys who are uber keeners and annoy the fuck out of everyone and seem oblivious to this?
so ok, there was snacks, there was talking, there was sportsnet to distract people. there was a speech, there were questions. i wasnt goooooooing to ask one buuuuuuuuuut, i figured fuck it. i knew he wouldnt be able to answer it but whatever, it was fun. try asking any of the leadership contenders about CRTC and CanCon regulations. blank stares. awesome. thats ok though cause simon got to play the "how was game 5?" card.

good times.

and today wasnt slurpee alert day. HOW IN THE FUCK WAS IT NOT SLURPEE ALERT DAY?

usually im good with people's names. so when people come into the compound and they say hi, and im like fuck i know i know you and i know i should know youre name but i forget but i dont want to say anything cause i dont want to admit forgetting cause then maybe id look stupidish because i know ive talked to you more than once so it should really be obvious that i should remember...

and i thought school was done for the summer? this week maybe. but holy jesus h fucking on a crutch christ! what the fuck are these kids wearing? seriously, when youre in grade 8 or 9 and you live in sherwood park, you dont need to look like youre going to a red carpet affair at the fucking grammy's or something! seriously...driving the gator back to SAP with sheena from broadmoor and some chick waves at us and im thinking holy fuck when did los angeles move here? fucking hell...i can appreciate Veblen's trickle down theory about fashion, but honestly i think that's going a *little* far.

canada day this weekend. crazy awesome pay rate. summer half over. thus we pass the top of the hill and begin the coast back to the semi routinized life of full time student. im working til august 30th, and heading back to the big square campus on the mountain that weekend.

if you put rustoleum on grass it makes it not so alive.

why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?


simon's in town tonight for some liberal party thing so im going to meet downtown later but i cant drink cause im driving.
this brings the Page's in Alberta This Summer tally to three. this leaves....many.
i should call julie this week. and ash.
i decided today that it would really fucking suck if you had to spend your whole day on a deck mower if you had the trots. i thought this while spending my whole day on a deck mower and i thought it was pretty funny.
i can picture some old fucker on it who's got the sweats, and he hits a big hole in the ground and he just starts yelling and squirming. hahahaha.
kassia said i was weird in a good way. i dont think she was including toilet humour in that.
other people take toilet humour into consideration.
julia and i went for ice cream last night cause we were supposed to last week but she had to go up to peace river for a few days so we went yesterday, but she was like "tara and i are going to a movie do you want to come?"
so i said yes.
and we went to TWO mcDicks cause the first one didnt HAVE ice cream! and then we're driving out of hte park and im like...where are we going to see the movie? oh the cheap seats ok.
what are we going to see?
just my luck.
...isnt that a lindsay lohan movie?
you're never telling anyone i came to see this with you.

redundant now yes. but whatever. ok ok so this also gives credence to vicki's claim that i have no guy friends here really. BUT i am going to hang out with simon tonight so HAH! even if he's only in town tonight it's still hanging out with a guy! and im going to the tool concert with mike so there. other than wit der chicas.

we're not supposed to roll our sleeves up at work. 4 inch minimum sleeves to cover our shoulders. im sorry, but fuck no, i need to fix this farmers tan. so eight hours on a deck mower later and i look like my arms are made of neopolitan ice cream. nice tanned forearms, pasty white whatever-you-call-the-part-of-your-arm-between-your-elbow-and-shoulder, and pink shoulders cause i didnt put as much sunscreen there. tomorrow is going to be hotter out. like 34-35ish. crazy shit. it's gonna melt my food hot out! mosquitos bursting into flame in mid air hot! snails dancing on the pavement hot! dont take a piss outside or you'll burn in bad places hot! leaves turn into potato chips hot! the devil uses AC hot! ricky martin singing and making you light yourself on fire hot! people quoting nelly cause they think theyre funny hot! superman trying to cover up embarassing sweat stains hot! old people turning into prunes instead of eating them hot! take a shit in liquid nitrogen hot! ....i think im done now.

dog shit instantly composting hot.

ok now.

his wife is a bitch


dear life,

i know that i have to live with you and you have to live with me and that we don't always see eye to eye.
but i have two things to ask of you.
leave meg the fuck alone. you are making meg sad. as a corrolate of this you are pissing off nancy and myself. we have therefore reserved the right to beat the living shit out of Person Making Meg Sad, and it's all YOUR fault so if you don't want him to run down the road bruised and battered and afraid to ever talk to her again leave her alone.
secondly, im getting sick of all the "you and julia you and julia you and julia should have should have should have" shit and so is she. i implore you to make it stop or at some point this summer there will be unpleasantries.
also, you can shut the fuck right up about me ever moving to calgary. you can also dismiss any notion at all of my living in this basement for 8+ months after christmas.
so your vessels of verbosity that is my family, well, you can just turn their attention to something else ok?

what is life if not a joke

so just out of curiousity i checked out craigslist and ebay for tool tickets to see how much theyre going for two months before the concert.
the highest price on ebay was almost $1000.
i think it's pretty funny too how when you check some of them they're like "VERY FIRST ROW SEATS ON THE FLOOR!! CLOSEST SEATS TO THE STAGE ON THE FLOOR!"
thats funny cause i was under the impression that there werent seats on the floor. which is why i always get floor tickets. because you can get as close to the stage as you want.
but then some stupidly excited dipshit with too much money to spend will see that and think "holy shit!!! front row!!!"
and then when he gets there and wonders why theres a huge fucking pile of people already sitting in front of the stage i hope he feels really stupid.
these ticket scamming sites and shit are starting to piss me right the fuck off. seriously, one guy on craigslist had 8 tickets that werent even that good and he was selling a pair for like $500.
on ebay most of the listings are from ticket scalper sites. how fucking stupid is that? an ozzy concert in edmonton will sell out in less than three minutes. mostly because these fuckheads at these ticket scalper sites buy up all the good seats and then mark up the prices like 300%. if i want a single tifket to the slayer concert next week id have to dish out like $160. fuck that! tickets to that cost 39$!! SOAD tix are going for 250$! EAT ME YOU SACK OF SHIT SCALPING MOTHER FUCKERS WHO WONT EVEN GO TO THE FUCKING CONCERTS BECAUSE ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS SCAMMING THE PEOPLE WHO REALLY WANT TO FUCKING GO BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY LIKE THE BAND!!!
watch like the day before the concert i bet the prices fucking skyrocket.
total. utter. bullshit.
scalpers should be fucking tasered and then locked to the side of the venue in chains so people can throw shit at them.


im downloading season 1 of X-Files cause i havent watched it in a while and i want to.
we're looking after our neighbour's dog again. not the neighbours whose cat killed all the robins, the other neighbours.
today the dog already destroyed a plant upstairs, ate a bar of soap, and barfed on a rug.
the dog is sleeping in my sister's room, so if it barfs again she'll have to deal with it.

theres a jean cluade van damme movie on right now but i cant figure out which has roger moore in it too so i think it's that one about the fighting match thing in some secret city or something.

i think van damme now falls into the category of "where are they now and do we really fucking care?" much like stallone and chuck norris.

im gonna go play with a slingshot.

little green men


you must have been out your head


...that is all.

our neighbour's cat killed all the robin's in the nest last night.
this has enraged my father to no end.
like past the "im shaking with fury" anger to the "im so angry that im calm which is ten times more angry".
our neighbour's cat and him aren't friends.

everett wants to know your political affiliations. go obey the unsugared one.

looks like chris pronger wants to turn into the next mike comrie and have everyone in edmonton hate him cause he's being a douchebag and wants to get traded. im tellin ya, fucking cam ward wins the Cup and everything goes to shit. i TOLD you he was the devil!

i watched bits and pieces of the NHL awards, but i didnt see the whole thing and i read about this in the paper today. Alexander Ovechkin wins rookie of the year. good, cause he beat Crosby, the whiney little bitch face. anyway, when he went up to accept his award he was apparently really nervous and mentioned that he couldnt read a speech because...

...he cant read.

well then.

what a good addition he'll make to the US population.

you've got guys like Roloson who has a degree in Information Management and then you have a russian kid who can say "shoot puck hin net, vin game." *insert rolling eyes*

anyway, im sort of glad that an illiterate russian beat Crosby. next to cam ward i'd say that crosby annoys me the most out of any player. or Ty Domi. fucking retard.

i have to go do laundry now.

in your human assembly line


i took this allergy stuff this morning, and i think it made me think stranger than usual...cause all i could hear in my head most of the day were old skip rope songs.
hello, operator. connect me number nine, and IF you don't connect me i'll kick you in the...
it made my tongue hurt no more of that shit.
there was a rally for the Oilers planned today downtown, in the middle of the workday.
um, hello spontaneous event organizers? middle of the work day downtown? thanks for pretty much making sure that no one could make it fuckwads.
therefore, i have a proposal.
reschedule it for July 22nd at the Highlands golf club.
because that's the day the devil gets married.
and how fucking pretentious is he that he wants to use the Cup as a centerpiece? being from here he should know that people in this area have long fucking memories when it comes to hockey. therefore, i decree that July 22nd in Edmonton and surrounding areas is WEAR AS MUCH OILERS GEAR AS POSSIBLE DAY!

it's cloudy out which is making me sort of annoyed because i want to go somewhere and wear my shades but that'd be stupid if it's cloudy out. i think tomorrow will be a total gong show at work.

half of my next paycheque is going to rez fees.

on the go. jello. $1.31.

who in the what now?


three new songs up.
"Sooner or Later"


best hat hair ever. ive got the whole hat/face tan/burn going on. killer.

so my sister has the car at work, and my parents are out with the van and as they leave my dad says "try not to move the truck cause there's a soccer game in the park." which basically means that i can't go anywhere. those soccer moms go fucking insane trying to find a space they can cram their Denali's into on this street. so if i move the truck my chances of being able to park it in front of or anywhere near our house drops to below nil. so what's within walking distance of my house to distract me? well there's the 7-11...

i didnt think julia was going up to peace river today so when i called her to see if she wanted to go for coffee and then five minutes later when my dad said he ran into her mom at safeway buying snacks to drive up there....ya. so that's out.

ever since we were kids her parents and my parents have tried to get us both together. we both just groan and shake our heads.

so a while back i mentioned that we have a robin's nest in our backyard right above my window in some viney looking plant thing. in a plant. that has vines. or something. it's leafy. whatever.
three eggs, two for sure have hatched, third one, no clue.
baby birds peep alot. not loud enough to keep me awake thank christ. but peeping baby birds means that magpies and crows come around and try to eat them. this would not be so good.
my dad and i have become defacto protectors of the nest. today he went and bought a new slingshot. we had an old one that i didnt know was broken so i was a bit surprised when i saw the box in the kitchen. anyway. two slingshots.
when i was a kid i was never allowed to have one, but my dad always kept one around to keep the crows and magpies away. considering how much time he spent teaching me how to shoot a gun, it's sort of bad that i never really took a shot at something with a slingshot until today.

i totally guilt tripped him on the deck too. he was shooting at the magpies and i was all "you never ever taught me how to use one of these you know."

"that's because they're dangerous."

"you always tell me about how you used to make them when you were a kid."

"but i tell you that stuff so you DONT do it."

"you still never taught me how to shoot one of these."

and then he kind of got that "gee maybe i should since he IS 22 now and probably wont kill himself" look on his face.

if you ever needed to find a living breathing example of Dennis the Menace meets National Lampoon's Animal House...look no further than my dad.

holeeeeeeeeee fuck if he ever wrote a book about half the shit he's done, it'd be a best seller over night. it's almost to the point where i know so many of the stories that him and i can just say a few words and we'll bust out laughing. like tonight at dinner.
"donkeys and golf balls."

and we laugh and mom just looks at us and says "i dont want to know." and we say "no. no you dont."
and then i say "you know, your dad's a real asshole."
"your uncle is full of shit."

really, you have to know my family to understand any of this but oh well. and i think there's definitely something beneficial to having grown up in alberta, learned how to hunt, and go out in the fall with my dad and uncle.
find me anyone in a metropolitan city in this country who says guns are the fucking spawn of satan and that people who hunt are the spawns of the spawn of satan. ok, that's far too easy. now find me someone, anyone, in the same city who can be driving around with two other guys, speak a few words, and everyone knows exactly what each other is thinking, everyone laughs like the world is coming to an end, and you have your quintissential joining of generations. HAH! WHERE'S THE REDNECK JOKES NOW?!?!

not so easy is it.

totally have noooooo clue where im going with this. plus i just stopped to think about it and it totally fucked up my train of thought. that's kind of ironic isnt it? you stop to think about soemthing that you're already thinking about and it screws up what you were thinking about.


ya, i got nothin.

taking potshots at the passing cars


i recorded another song. it's not exactly new. i wrote the main riff in grade 10. i havent put it up on my buzznet yet. you can hear some others ones there though. i dont put lyrics to a lot of songs i write. which is odd because i have a pissload of lyrics lying around everywhere. in high school brandon and i would head over to our coffee shop hangout and have marathon writing sessions that might last eight hours.
i dont put lyrics to a lot of my music now. i'd rather it speak for itself.
plus theres the fact that how i hear the words in my head always sound different than what i play, and i like both of them, but i cant ever seem to get them to mesh.
oh well.
i think that there was maybe ten minutes total today spent talking about the game.

im allergic to something that's flaoting around and ive had almost a perma sneeze stuck in my nose all day.

im a big fan of thinking that unless you really do something to fuck it up uber spectacularily, then life will pretty much balance itself out.

i offer proof.

the oilers do not win the cup. Tool is playing edmonton on august 25th.

balance. and i know that a lot of people wouldnt equate those two things, but theyre not me and thats just fine with me.

im hitting that point of the summer where it feels like everything is putting on the brakes and things look like theyre going to drag on endlessly. all things considered i think ive been doing ok. i've been home for two months. little over two months til i can run around on the roof of Shrum again. i got back into townhouses for the fall. i dont really care who my roommates are this year. my dad figures if they piss me off i can just turn my amp up to 10. yes. or i could epoxy them into their room. actual no i wont because i have a rule that i cant do anything like that to my roommates. douchebag RHA presidents are open targets. former douchebag RHA presidents as well. im a bit disappointed to say that i'm not really getting involved with anything in rez this year. i could have been an Orientation Leader but i got pissed that they didnt want me as a Team Leader. I think and every one of my friends i've talked to also thinks that is the stupidest thing in the world that I didnt make TL. Stacy and Dustin didnt either. at first. now both of them are. one more spot left if the third person drops. if Mo called me this summer and said Pat will you be a TL cause we need one more, then id probly say yes, but i bet that wont happen so fuck em.

i dont like the new sam roberts single. i have no good reason, i just dont like it. its not a bad song, but i just cant listen to it. the only line i like has something to do with "if youre in a race i hope you come last." i like that line.

vicki asked me a while ago if i had any friends here who were guys. yes. not many. the last time i did anything with them was game 6 against Detroit. i know if i called up tony or edwin theyd probly do something, but that's stalled out. julia's moving to peace river in a few weeks.
i see iris the most and ally the second most and julia the third most. and i dont see enough of them to keep me happy all the time. i talk to them a lot, but thats not the same. this isnt ottawa or vancouver where theres always someone there. this is home where when i do get to see my friends im elated. the people i spend time with this summer are amazingly awesome. but its still not the same. this is the place where bad memories live and running into people at the mall makes me want to run far away.

i want to go camping with iris.

i want to go see hedley with ally.

i want to have a bush party at julia's place.

this is what i look forward to this summer.

ok, that and tool...

also, simon is going to be in edmonton next week. very cool. it's like the summer of Page's in alberta. awesome.

dinner time.

he had a lot to say, he had a lot of nothing to say


we don't need trophy wives.

we don't need cheerleaders.

we don't need boring anthem singing.

we don't need refs who play favourites for us.

we don't need fans that pretend they know what hockey is about.

we don't need to be compared to cinderella.

we deserve that trophy just as much as they do.

thank you Oilers for an amazing run.

thank you for proving to everyone that you can come up from behind and make it all the way to the top.

thank you to the fans who showed the world how to cheer for a hockey team.

thank you for bringing Oilers spirit back to Edmonton like there used to be.

thank you for showing us how to play like champions.

even though you didn't win, your city is proud of you.

this isn't how we wanted the story to end. but in the end, at least we were in the story all the way to the last page.

i feel like ass today. i woke up feeling like ass, and my parents both said i looked like shit.
i get to work, and people there are like "you look like hell."
i get home, my dad says "take some tylenol, you look like hell still."
so i look and feel like hell.
but i had a good day regardless.
it's amazing what a can of liquid with 166mg of caffeine in it can do for you.
we had a new girl start today. im pretty sure she already thinks we're all crazy, but whatever, you kind of have to be to make it on our crew.
finally got to put in some deck time. sitting on a mower and bombing around, sweet shit im tellin ya. probly more tomorrow cause theres a shit load of mowing that should have been done last week but because of some inner turmoil and staffing 'changes' in turf maintenance things are a bit behind. which i dont mind cause now their crew is jelling way better with our crew and i get more operator time.

shaz's bosses arent going to let her watch the game. she works in the shoe section. they have stilettos. i say nail the bosses down to something with the stilettos and go to electronics and make every screen show carolina crying.

i wore an oilers tat at work all day. luke was a bit short tempered i think today cause we were all razzin him cause he's friends with cam ward and we were all "your buddy is going to cry tonight."

40 minutes til the puck drops. if i wasnt feeling like absolute ass i'd go out. but since i feel like absolute ass and dont trust my brain to function normally after the game, im going to sit on the couch where i can expend as little physical energy as possible while still allowing for the most possible vocal noise.


yukon cheers them on
fernando's theme
smitty's mullet
fuck calgary
fuck cam ward
season highlights

we're going to win


some little fuckhead took out my side mirror last night.

you know the feeling when you think youve forgotten something? and then the feeling where you think that you just missed something that's totally obvious but you still totally missed it but you recognize the fact that you just missed something important? put those together and that's what today feels like.
not even sure why.
it's fucked.
it's unsettling.
im tired.
we have company over for father's day. i came down here and crashed for a bit.
today is ugh.
right now at this moment id like to be anywhere other than here and i cant even come up with a good reason why.
maybe i'll write a song later but it wont be emo but it'll be good and mellow and i'll have people listen to it. but not right now. later.
if i could curl up in a corner and sleep forever i think i might give that some serious thought right now.

sting the cause

..."aren't you tired?"...


..."we have company you know."...

..."i know."...

..."put on a happy face and go pretend you give a fuck."...


GAME 7 BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he's using some joly little adjectives too

game 6 tonight! woooo!! let's go oilers!!!!

italy tied the US 1-1 at fifa, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the italians can dive like no one else and the americans are experts at being annoying and whiney. i didnt get a chance to watch the game...i was at IKEA with iris looking for lights. but i was still cheering for italy in my mind lol.
i used to cheer for portugal.
but my god parents are italian, and i probly have more italian friends than any other non italian friends so now i cheer for italy.
and there's the fact that i convinced danielle to cheer for the oilers in the playoffs, so she pretty much swayed me to the cheer for italy permanent side.

i used to play soccer when i was a little kid. and then i wanted to play baseball. and now i hate baseball and i dont really play soccer anymore, but if there are people playing, i'll play too. i never used to like hockey either. my parents were really adamant about how much they dont (didnt) like hockey and of course being a little kid you listen. moving to ottawa pretty much shattered all that. living in rez pretty much means that youre surrounded by people who flock to the tvs in the lounges for games. definitely two of my favourite hockey memories were the 2003 playoffs. the first was the hit that Marc-Andre Bergeron put on Brenden Morrow. right over his fucking head! awesome. the second was the vancouver game where they tied the game with 1.7 seconds left in the third. at that point simon and i had become really good friends so we were both cheering for the canucks. he's from north van anyway so yeah.
i remember after they scored that goal he was in nicole's room way down the hall and i was in the lounge with a bunch of other people and they scored and we both came busting out of whatever room we were in running down the hall and met halfway and went fucking nuts.
for my birthday that year, nat got me my jersey. it hasnt been washed in four years hahaha. why wash off good times?

i have a tshirt from the 1990 stanley cup victory somewhere in the house...i think i should find it. and go find a snack.

make me your cannibal


today's quote, again not by me:

"i cant even suck it, it's too thick."

i scored a sweet pair of coveralls at work today and i didnt even know i was supposed to get them.
mike figures that trying to spin doughnuts in the pro gator might be bad for the grass. but then i pointed out that i had come to a stop perfectly beside the garbage can i was aiming at. is that skill or what?

golfers piss me right the fuck off. tiger woods is blaming his shitty playing on slow greens.

you know what i blame his shitty playing on?

his shitty playing.

im going to go see Nacho Libre with my friend amanda tonight.
tomorrow im going to take iris for lunch.
and then i have to figure out how to balance oilers game with seeing julia cause her boyfriend grant who is a cool guy's mom died last week which totally fucking blows and she's taking it pretty hard so she wants to just go somewhere and vent.

her and i have been friends since kindergarten. she's the kind of friend where i can move all over the friggin country and everytime i come back here she'll make time to hang out with me. last year we went camping and our tent flooded and i was having fun because i was wearing every piece of clothing i had brought and she was hating it but she stuck around to have camping bacon, and then we drove 6 hours home to where it was dry.

when we were in grande nine in our drama class we had to do The Sound of Music and i had to play captain von trapp and i wanted to play that character like i wanted to get shot in the face. but i didnt want nutcase antonio to stroke his ego and have the main role, so it was a delicate balance. i didnt even have to audition. the girls all had to audition to play Maria. kristen ross got the part.
at olph by the time we were in grade nine, i was the smartest guy, and kristen was the smartest girl. i however was still way way way into geekdom.
so, i think it was a natural assumption for people to make that i liked kristen. seriously, all through junior high and even high school it was like a fucking mission for people to find out who i liked.
and in grade nine i didnt really know enough about chicks to know anything at all so i went along with it and decided maybe i did like her.
so she got the part, and then when we were doing rehersals of that weird dance that they do in the ballroom party scene her and i had to learn it and i was like "cool i get to dance with kristen ross." and then i was like "shit she smells like her dog that's not so cool."
and i know julia was pissed that she didnt get the part and in retrospect i wish that she'd gotten it instead. i think her and i would have jived better with the parts. not like it made that much difference cause there were only like 30 people in our grade nine class, so we pretty much knew everyone from kindergarten all the way up anyway.
but still.
julia's dog dont have a smell that sticks to you.
they just drool a lot.
i dont really remember where i was going with this.
there's like this tiny little core of staff that's always been at that school and i go in like once or twice a year to say hi, but im sort of afraid that one of these times i go in there wont be anyone still there and i'll be like "i dont know any of you...what did you do to my teachers?"

i have to work on fathers day. i should probly go get a card or something. if i knew how to get to wholesale sports id go there and him a box of remington HD. hahah actually, now that i think about it i'd probly pick up a box for me too, cause he doesnt use the 3 1/2 inch shells and i do and i can get a 1 3/4oz load...
i would pay good money to watch someone who's never fired a shotgun before put one magnum 3 1/2 inch with that load through. hahahahhahah.
we took my sister out target practicing once a long time ago and she wanted to try the shot gun so my dad told me to get a shell, so i went and got the only magnum we had brought and he never noticed and it just about knocked her on her ass. if my dad hadnt had his hands out to stop her from falling she would have.

oh right. i mentioned guns. im evil now.

if i sing Eidlewise will you forgive me?

he's got a real bum's eye for clothes


today's quote of the day, not spoken by me...

"i wish i was wet because im so hot."

i hate family politics. it annoys the hell out of me when someone stays up and waits for you to get home JUST so they can tell you that they didnt like that you went out with your friends tonight.

today was well balanced though between the "shake your head in annoyance shit" and the "im having a super dooper fun time shit".

even though everything thing i did at work pretty much has to be redone in the next few days because once again i was told to go paint field lines. in the rain. with water based paint.
what happens when you put all those things together?
no lines and lots of wasted paint.

two hour lunch and entertainment paid for by taxpayers money? cant argue with that one.

the fact that its pissing rain and i might get sent home early tomorrow? also cant argue with that.

and i guess people spend lots of spare time thinking about me...

FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
ive figured out what you are
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
you what?
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
what you are
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
what am i
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
you are one of those uni students that are way too smart and actually understand political humor and are like good at everything
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
you havent seen me pull off any rez humour yet
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
well...still ...
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
member clueless?
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
the movie
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
wasnt that blonde chick in it?
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
no, not really
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
see, but im from alberta
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
redneck humour still rules everything
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
ok so you are excused
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
•Þa±z• - someone put some liberal on ann coulter's face. says:
so now what am i?
FORZA AZZURRI - outta here says:
umm the same but you have a red neck

your dust for bones


this has to be one of the rare occasions when Don Cherry has worn the same suit twice.



here's why i dont like watching hockey with my the span of like ten minutes my mom, sister and dad all asked me " overtime, do they play a full period or does the first goal win?"

please...just wave as the bandwagon goes by ok?

BAHAHAHAH!!! they just showed a fat kid hurricanes fan crying in the stands!!!

ooo, Bubbles is on This Hour has 22 Minutes! flew the shit outta that thing!

i had to bust out the red bull at work today. fucking tired this morning. i walk in, sit down in the lunchroom and Les looks at me and goes "you awake yet pat?"

but then we got to watch melee in the yard as buildings were moved. and then we were handed shovels and told to dig in the dirt.
dig for what?
the power line to the irrigation shed. sorry what?
dig along this trench and dig up the power line.
like...the LIVE power line?
are you going to turn it off?
go ahead and dig.

so AFTER wayne and i hit big black power line deep in the ground....gee maybe we should turn the power off first next time...?

no kidding.

i feel like writing a 'dear somebody' so i will.

Dear Fat Kid Hurricanes Fan,

im not sorry that your team lost tonight. i think it's funny that your fat ass was sitting there in a sad blob. your team came from Hartford. what elese needs to be said about your team history? they come from Hartford and they already lost the Cup once. but Fat Kid, i do think that you personally will live up to some very probably expectations. you will grow up to be a fat hocket fan. what does that mean? that in a (post)modern america, you will undoubtedly live up to the american dream: think your country is the greatest in the world even though you live in isolationism, be fanatically obsesses with celebrity scandals even though it has no bearing on your own life whatsoever, and ignorantly provide to yourself in excess letting yourself waste copious amounts of goods while you contribute to the ever increasing percentage of obese americans.

i know that this probly applies to some canadians as well, but not to the same extent and i dont hate the Oilers. so Fat Kid, go drown your sorrows at your team's loss tonight in twinkies and cola to make yourself feel better. and always remember...


i just want to say, anyone who's offended by that should just go find the nearest WalMart and sit outside the front door for an hour. or SuperWalMart. or MegaWalMart. because honestly, there should be scales under the front door connected to a preferred customer thing that goes off when people of a certain weight walk in.
think about it, how many 400lbs people in walmart really have the energy to push their cart around the store? they walk in, scale goes off, shopping aide rushes up with a cart to accompany them through the store. fucking brilliant.

one more thing. ive had far too few msn additions. please remedy that.

because i been there!


apparently the quote of the day at work was my own doing.
"I was going for that arabic war cry, but it came out sounding more like Speedy Gonzales."

fucking tree fluff is everywhere now and it pissed off my nasal passages something fierce today. me: ah CHOO!!!
mike: that was gross.
me: what are you talking about, it was a sneeze.
mike: yeah but there was like shit that flew out of your mouth.

here...have some chocolate covered almonds, and may we never speak of this again...

since i didnt finish my essay last night...or sunday...i have to finish it tonight. 5 pages in lockdown...door shut, moto typing.
after dinner of course.
id like to be catching up on phone calls and stuff, but since i put myself in a 5 page hole, i cant.
when i got home from work today my mom was like "how would you like to go to a movie with your sister tonight?"
"nope, essay."
"oh well i guess that means you dont want to go. you're an overacheiver you know."


thanks mom, like i already wasnt aware of that.

some dude on the radio this morning won tickets and a hotel room in vancouver to go to the foo fighters concert, which got me to thinking that HEY! i have that weekend off as a three day weekend so maybe i should see if i can go. maybe. not likely, but i'll think about it.

ok, my stomach is starting to say lines from Requiem for a Dream...FEED ME SARA FEED ME SARA....sooooo food time, essay time, shot of jager time, sleep time.

obi-wan tampons


i saw an ad for a brita tap filter today that reminded me of when i was a kid. the catch phrase for the ad is "tap water and toilet water both come from the same place."
when i was really little i used to think that when someone flushed the toilet the water would somehow run through the tap in the sink so you should wait til the bowl filled back up to wash your hands.
dont ask where i got that idea cause honestly, nooooo friggin clue.
i also used to take communion at school masses because i thought it was a snack.
hey, kids need energy. and it's not my fault my teachers never said "pat, you arent catholic, dont do that."

yeah yeah yeah, we lost 2-1. fuck off. it isn't over yet.

i got five pages out of ten done on my essay. it has to be postmarked by friday. i'll have it done by wednesday. my room looks like it barfed up random textbooks and papers about postmodernity. and it looks like when it barfed it all up it missed whatever it was aiming at and it got everywhere. i also remembered today that it might be a good idea if i applied to rez again just because i should do it early so i dont forget and then all of a sudden go "...oh shit." i guess i could hide in a box on top of the mountain. so thats where my gst rebate is going. rez deposit. that leaves....$13 for lunch or something. but i think i get paid this week anyway.

sometimes i think my family can be more intrusive than they should be. case in point, mom comes down every so often and just sits there and says "so?" and looks expectantly. so? so what? nothing new has transpired in the last however long it was since you talked to me last.
if i spend a weekend doing fuck all and you KNOW that i spend the weekend doing fuck all, what's the point in asking "so?" usually i just stare for a second, shrug and that's it. few seconds later..."so? snything new?"

...didn't we just go over this?

much as i bitch about my folks, theyre good people. clingy...but good people. seriously, when im in vancouver i get an average 4 phone calls a week from them. i know a lot of people who dont get four calls a month. im sure you can see how that would start to chip away at your fortitude slowly. you know, when the phone rings and you pick up and you just want to scream "OH FOR GODS SAKE YOU JUST PHONED YESTERDAY AND I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU HAD FOR DINNER AND IM DOING AN ESSAY SO LEAVE ME ALONE FOR THE NEXT TWO OR THREE OR SIX GODDAMN DAYS!!"
i think this gets balanced out by the fact that theyre always here when i get in a rough spot mentally and need some comforting or some old stories about dad's uni days to get a good laugh out. but clingy....ya, they could work on the clingy.

well, at least italy won. so at least i can be happy about one game today. and is it just me, or do more people think that US fans really make themselves sound like theyre mentally challenged on the world stage when they cheer?
they must be the only country in the World cup that doesnt have a crapload of chants and songs to sing. all they can do is sound off "U-S-A! U-S-A!" and when you do that in large numbers outdoors, it sounds like "YES-WE'RE-GAY! YES-WE'RE-GAY!"

please detach

things that are YAY about today so far:

bag of candy.
rolling stone magazine.
letter from ash.
GST rebate.
phone call from danielle while in a cafe surrounded by lots of italian type folks.
fresh laundry.
oilers game four at 6pm.
my new shades work real nice.

things that are BOO about today so far:

7am dentist apoinment.
getting poked in the gums by sharp pointy things.
stalling out on page three of a ten page essay because i cant think of how to start the next paragraph.

i need brain food...let's go to McDonalds.


so the dad and i drove down to the red deer river valley badlands to go humping through the desert and look for dead dinosaurs cause we're geeks like that.
it was good, didnt find as much this time. if we'd been out for shards there was this one new place we looked that was like bone shard central.
but we have shitloads of shards in our basement as it is, so we go for complete bones or teeth or weird things we've never seen before.
we found a buffalo skull that was split into pieces but it was huge and way too heavy to carry back to the truck.
it was pretty decent out today, not hot and nice cloud cover. good thing because it can get pretty fucking hot down there.
it rained lightly on and off a few times but nothing major til we were heading back to the truck and like 100 feet from it at the bottom of this hill it all of a sudden decides HAH! IM GOING TO FUCKING LET ALL THE WATER THATS IN THIS CLOUD COME DOWN ON YOU ALL AT ONCE NOW AND YOU'LL GET SOAKED IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!
and im climbing up this stupid hill thinking "oh shit mud hole..."
and then...
so i book it up this friggin hill and it's just a dumpin, and i can see maybe 15 feet in front of me and im running like hell down the middle of this highway and my dad's behind me yelling at me to pull the truck onto the road off the ground cause it'll turn into a mud pit in like 10 seconds and im trying to wipe the rain out of my face and it's windy and im soaked and i get to the truck and fucking yank open the door and start it and im thinking "ohfuck ohfuck ohfuck dont let it be stuck!!!!" and it wasnt but the tires were spinning a lot.
and we had brought extra clothes in case it rained, but we're driving down the highway and it's one of those times where the speed limit is 100 but you're going like 60 simply because of the volume of water that's pouring down on you.
so yeah that was fun lol.

i have a 7am dentist appointment tomorrow. like, sitting in the dentist chair by 7am appointment.

and then i get to sit in my room all day and write an essay about postmodern tourism.

and then i get to text message smelly and tell her that she's supposed to phone me when she's out with shaz and chad and screetus. and im gonna be all GO ITALY! and then im gonna be all GO OILERS!!!


my room is a fucking mess...but there'll be plenty of time to clean it when i dont have anything better to do.

why havent i seen this version of T2 before?