what is life if not a joke

dear life,

i know that i have to live with you and you have to live with me and that we don't always see eye to eye.
but i have two things to ask of you.
leave meg the fuck alone. you are making meg sad. as a corrolate of this you are pissing off nancy and myself. we have therefore reserved the right to beat the living shit out of Person Making Meg Sad, and it's all YOUR fault so if you don't want him to run down the road bruised and battered and afraid to ever talk to her again leave her alone.
secondly, im getting sick of all the "you and julia you and julia you and julia should have should have should have" shit and so is she. i implore you to make it stop or at some point this summer there will be unpleasantries.
also, you can shut the fuck right up about me ever moving to calgary. you can also dismiss any notion at all of my living in this basement for 8+ months after christmas.
so your vessels of verbosity that is my family, well, you can just turn their attention to something else ok?
thanks.

what is life if not a joke