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sh!thawks...on parade: This is my review of Fantastic Four 2

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seems clear enough no? how can I sum it up easily? oh yeah...

it sucked.

like, real bad.

whoever wrote it needs to be slapped hard. i dont know what the fuck kind of Galactus that was, but im pretty sure ive never seen Galactus looks like a giant angry cloud.
also, giving about a twenty second explanation as to why the world is going to end...yeah, no see usually that takes up at LEAST thirty seconds.
also, I had no idea it only took about ten seconds to fly from new york to siberia and then hong kong. in a Dodge no less.
im pretty sure the writers thought that if they crammed enough big science sounding words and flashing computer screens into a 90 minute movie that people would take it legitimately.
and im not exactly sure what the whole metal worker guy grinding away at Dr Doom was. Also, im pretty sure that giving Dr Doom the Power Cosmic is pretty much the dumbest fucking plot idea ive ever seen. oh no! theres a giant cload bearing down on us we need to stop it! oh but first we have to make sure everyone's powers are absorbed by one character in one of the most obvious plot twists in the entire movie and then use them to go beat up a guy who can manipulate time, space and matter at once without actually getting hurt! and what the hell was with the Surfer's almost autistic lack of a personality? im sure if i go root around at home in my comic books he actually has one.
there's also the fact that there are so many attempts at comedic relief it almost ruins the movie entirely, which is a pretty big feat in itself. maybe that goes along with the science words and flashing monitors.
really, i was stoked when i first heard about this coming out because it has the Surfer in it. then i started to wonder how someone could realistically make this movie in a way that made sense and didnt fuck it up. i held on to my hope, oh i did. now im gonna go scrape it up off the ground because that was a catastrophe.
i think that if you have absolutely no idea of anything to do with any of the comics you might enjoy it because it's flashy and fast. if, on the other hand, you do, you should be cringing for most of this movie.
i also cringed when i saw that they'd turned the Wosk Center into a US intelligence agency.

highlight of the entire thing....the Simpsons Movie preview.

This is my review of Fantastic Four 2


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