when the fuck did my life get hijacked? or is it some kind of cruel fucking cosmic joke that i just have the unfortunate position of being the butt of?
you think you live life for what you think is worth it and what do you have to show for it? a shitty goddamn job, a cold fucking basement to live in, and all the things you thought were a solid part of who you were turn out to be little puppets dangling from the strings of giants who watch our life go by and trick us into thinking everything is ok until one day they want to have some fun and pull the fucking strings and things start to disappear.
a wealth of self pity, yeah i have a lot of fucking practice at that. look i get more time to practice now. how is it that any attempt i make at going forward only seem to make things fall further behind or get mired in some fucked up bundle of realities in my head that i never go anywhere.
stand still. thats what it is. hi my brain is paralysed and i wont move no matter how hard i try.
should i have expected it? probably. did i? maybe i didnt want to.
is that my problem? is it that the real world is such a fucking disappointment that i just overlay my own on top until they get ripped to shit and i have to open my eyes and see what's really underneath? fuck that.
i want to scream. i want to hit something. i want to cower. i want to be sick.
im not alright but im ok it's nothing but a catalyst in a long line of explosions that have been going off forever even if i throw them to the wind they still come back.
i want to say go fuck yourself i want to shut the door and lock it and never come back to it but that's not really what i want at all. if you lock all the doors then there's no way out.
they can swim through my head and stop all the traffic jams.
they used to be the pieces scattered all around but at least now i've gathered them all into my hands so i can hold the pieces of me all at once, still in pieces but at least the whole of them.
i didnt ask for any of this but i stumbled upon it and picked it up and tried to take it with me but ultimately some things you just cant move from where you found them.
drifted further and further into the unknown.
hey.
you think you live life for what you think is worth it and what do you have to show for it? a shitty goddamn job, a cold fucking basement to live in, and all the things you thought were a solid part of who you were turn out to be little puppets dangling from the strings of giants who watch our life go by and trick us into thinking everything is ok until one day they want to have some fun and pull the fucking strings and things start to disappear.
a wealth of self pity, yeah i have a lot of fucking practice at that. look i get more time to practice now. how is it that any attempt i make at going forward only seem to make things fall further behind or get mired in some fucked up bundle of realities in my head that i never go anywhere.
stand still. thats what it is. hi my brain is paralysed and i wont move no matter how hard i try.
should i have expected it? probably. did i? maybe i didnt want to.
is that my problem? is it that the real world is such a fucking disappointment that i just overlay my own on top until they get ripped to shit and i have to open my eyes and see what's really underneath? fuck that.
i want to scream. i want to hit something. i want to cower. i want to be sick.
im not alright but im ok it's nothing but a catalyst in a long line of explosions that have been going off forever even if i throw them to the wind they still come back.
i want to say go fuck yourself i want to shut the door and lock it and never come back to it but that's not really what i want at all. if you lock all the doors then there's no way out.
they can swim through my head and stop all the traffic jams.
they used to be the pieces scattered all around but at least now i've gathered them all into my hands so i can hold the pieces of me all at once, still in pieces but at least the whole of them.
i didnt ask for any of this but i stumbled upon it and picked it up and tried to take it with me but ultimately some things you just cant move from where you found them.
drifted further and further into the unknown.
hey.
been under the gun
i took over the world at 7:02 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment