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sh!thawks...on parade: ticks and strings

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sometimes things seem so insurmountable that you just sit there and look and have no real idea of how to tackle anything, where to start, where to finish. then one day you look at it and see what you've got sitting in front of you and think maybe it's not as bad as it looks, maybe you're a little further than you thought, maybe little victories amount to large ones when you really aren't looking for one. and in the interim you plug away at it. not in a daze, not at a loss for words, but still not in that place you wish you could be. where words come and go freely and flow and in and out like breathing. exhalation of ideas and ideals. though sometimes isn't that what gets us in trouble.
you can follow conversations but still feel like you're on the outside looking in. you can be presented with a solution, take a good look at it, know what to do with it, but still have no clue how to use it. inhalations of uncertainty. people shift, they flow even when they aren't moving. leaving places gains you new outlooks, coming back to places gives you more perspective. between there and here, where are we exactly? in the middle of things when we open our mouths to say something that we've thought of hundreds of times before, but no sound ever comes out. breathing to survive, not to think, not to make a statement, not to be profound. acceptance doesn't come at an easy price for most things.
we can stand anywhere and look into the same sky, the same sun, the same earth and never know the same things we once knew standing a few feet away.
then you find yourself at a loss for words. then you start to realize that maybe things only look the same to us so we don't have to face the differences. does your breath catch? do you pause for just one second and wonder whether to go back a few paces, or do you breathe out, blink and take that one blinding step forward into some uncertain realm that outwardly looks the same as any other day, but everywhere else it's a whole new throw of the dice.
and all the time you spend wondering this, you can't remember if you've just exhaled or inhaled.

ticks and strings


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