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sh!thawks...on parade: i smell like the Cambie

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i do. that's right. CAMBIE CAMBIE CAMBIE. and i didnt even go with chad or danielle or robyn or the usual blog type folks, no. i went with the Public Policy post-econ-exam-we-fucking-hated group so now i smell like a hostel bar and cigarettes.


ive heard saying that repetitiously makes some people annoyed. who the fuck cares.


i toooooootally had a craving for some DQ the whole time but settled for a cheeseburger with no cheese on it and chicken fingers and fries and Winter Ale omg so good. it felt good to just unload in the middle of the day. we've all been stressing out to the max lately and today we just let it allllllllllllll go away who cares bye.

i know i had more than i pitcher but im not sure by how much so i['ll sayy one an a halfs pitcher. i think. i dunno. only winter ale. good stuff.

ok.ok, so last night before i went to sleep i watched like five minutes of that L'ets all Hatetoronto thing on CBc and i thought "who fucking cares? oh boo goddam hoo, we all dont like you. suck it the fuck up. ' not everyone likes vancouver, or edmonton, or montreal or calgary or winnipeg. but oooooooooooh no, as soon as someone says toronto sucks some douche in a fucking pairate patche has to go make a fucking movie about it. seriously, is it that important? i dont think so. people rip on Alberta all the time for a lot of the same reasons and you know what? I DONT SEE A FUCKING MOVIE BEING MADE ABOUT 'OH NO PEOPLE DONT LIKE ALBERTA IM GOIN TO GO FUCKING CRY ABOUT IT AND GO AROUND THE COUNTRY WITH A BANNER SAYING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LIKE MY PROVINCE' fucking grow up.

i watched some of the interviews on the movie website where the guy bitches about how everyone in the US loves New York but no one here loves toronto and thats wrong. alright, listen, no, toronto is NOT new york, this is NOT the US and we do NOT all love you. you know why? BECUASE YOU ARENT FUCKING NEW YORK. do you know why everyone loves new york in the US? it's not because it's the biggest city or because of the fashion, or because of the food or whatever. it's because it at least espouses core american values. you know that Statue they have? what do you think that represents? New York is America at its finest, always has been, always will be, and it's recognized as, historically, a gateway to a new life in North America. dear toronto, you ARE NOT this in canada.

you know what, look, honestly, i dont hate toronto, i dont really dislike toronto as a city. i dont like the Leafs, because they're the Leafs. i dont like all the concrete downtown because mostly where i've lived downtown means you can see buildings, and or mountains and or river valleys at the same time. i thin kthe Toronto Song is funny because it's a comedy song, not because i agree with it. i know lots of people in and around toronto and they arent assholes or ignorant or think they're new yorkers. however, i dislike the premise of this film because it makes an issue out of osmething that most of the country could fucking care less about. that, and also, the fact that they continually say "toronto is the eastern city." no. sorry, leanr your geography, it's called central canada. you want eastern go past Quebec City.

look, here watch, i'll show you how easy it is to dislike places in canada and maybe the guys who made this movie wont feel so fucking alone. Edmonton; i like it cause it's home, it's familiar, but it sucks balls cause it's boring as hell. Ottawa, i like it cause it's a nice, clean city with a wicked cultural life. it sucks because you cant really appreciate it unless you're a totally stuck up prude with your hand up a politicians ass. Vancouver, west coast, mountains, good food, good people. it sucks because of housing prices, lame job market, and lots of people have a holier than thou attitude cause they live in Vancouver. see how easy that was? now watch me not go make amovie out of it, Montreal is wicked cause it's montreal, but it's annoying as hell because people there assume 'we're montreal so we're way fucking cooler than all of you'. see how easy that was to spread the love?
i think it's guys like the ones who made this movie that actually piss off the country because they're making it a bigger issue than anyone cares to make it. that'd be like me going to Robson Square with my Alberta flag and waving it at people and constantly yelling "ALBERTA IS GREAT LIKE US MORE WE HAVE MONEY AND OIL AND HOCKEY SO LIKE US BECAUSE YOU SHOULD THATS RIGHT BECAUSE YOU SHOULD!" really, how much of an asshole does that sound like? a big one. sometimes leaving something as an off handed joke about another city or province is the best way to go.

and dont forget the movie makers admitted that the top three Toronto haters were: vancouver, montreal and TORONTO.

i have just effectively wasted a half hour drunkenly ranting about five minutes of a show i didnt even really want to watch and i have yet to shower the stench of one of the coolest bars in canada off. yeah, that's right, it's a hole but it still rules. fuck y'all if you dont think so. see, that doesnt even work in the scope of things. i cant be like "VANCOUVER IS THE BEST BECAUSE OF THE CAMBIE WHICH IS AWESOME!" because, come on, that's just a lie.

and fyi to all the naysayers, and this is the most honest i can be, i have never lived in a city in which i have once said 'it is the best in canada.' and i would think that you would have to have lived in at least one city in EACH region of the country to even BEGIN to attempt that. and at least two years per. split between west, central and east. and the real east. like the maritimes. not ontario east because that's only east of hamilton. oh, and fyi, the IKEA in Burlington still remains at #1 for me. but the pork chops in Banff rule the world. see, you cant concentrate the best in one city. it's not possible.

and besides, at the end of the day, we all look up to the same flag. except if you live in quebec. but that's a whole other drunken rant.

i smell like the Cambie


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