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sh!thawks...on parade: are we talking about aliens now?

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there's a story behind that suit. there is also a story behind that mullet. this is that first story and that second story as foretold in one story about the whole story.

in grade 11 i always wore a hat. always. to the point where if i came in without a hat on my teachers would take a few seconds to realize who i was. this trend continued well into grade 12. being that i made the assumption that putting a hat on in the morning after a shower was way simpler than actually doing anything to my hair, it was easy to see why the hat stayed put. and this was a catholic school too, so even for school masses, the hat stayed put. jesus totally would have had a hat.

im pretty sure i had maybe two or three hair cuts all of grade12. and since i really didnt care about doing anything with it, it was always, "keep it out of my eyes and just trim the back a bit". until one day. one day when i realized the AWESOMENESS of business in the front party in the back. that day i embraced The Mullet as a way of hair. i was enthusiastic about The Mullet. i had faith in, nay, loved The Mullet. i kept The Mullet protected with The Hat. in grade 12 it was a sweet fitted, solid black Detroit Tigers hat with the d outlined in white. it kept The Mullet safe and out of sight to avoid the onslaught of people who would do anything to be in the presence of The Mullet. for The Mullet had great powers, and with great Mullet comes great responsibility.

one day The Hat suffered a demise unlike any other when it was whisked off my head and used as a frisbee in my Social Studies 30 class between bob and brandon. nothing from this scenario would have been out of place as we were all friends and played music together. until Mr. Mac, perhaps one of the grandest teachers of the land, mistakenly thought The Hat was not of my belonging, snatched it out of the air and dunked it in the piranha tank in his class.
my dismay shone clear on my face, and my compatriots disbelief lay bare on their own. it was indeed a tragic sight, momentarily eclipsing the fact that The Mullet was now free flowing in the breeze of the class fan. Mr. Mac, realizing whose hat it was, was quick to apologize and withdrew The Hat from whence he had dunked it, and placed it, soaking, on his own head in penance.
that day, The Mullet flew free and many were quick to pay tribute to it's greatness.
while The Mullet had a deep significance to me, The Hat was to remain my way of head dress for the remainder of the year.

and then, then graduation. whereupon the time came for all young men at in high school who were to graduate to venture out and rent The Tux. kallal and myself had worked out our plan for The Tux, and it was indeed a monumental plan. we were to dress all in white, with coattails and top hats to match. but this plan was forbidden by the Parents of both clans. thus we rapidly hatched new plans for The Tux, where i was to have a traditional black piece, but still keeping the coattails and the top hat. for there is no greater way to pay tribute to The Hat that had carried me through so much than with The Top Hat.
but alas, this plan was again foiled under the ruling that there were to be no coattails, nor was there to be a Top Hat. even an ebony coloured walking stick was disallowed. for sooth, i say. The Plan was rendered limb from limb.

thus was the compromise reached that while our venture to rent The Tux, solely the high priestess of one of the two clans was to accompany was to the purveyor of the rentals and that we were free to choose any manner of The Tux that did not defy the rulings of the clan leaders.

therein, you see how The Tux met The Mullet because The Top Hat was not permitted to the ceremony of the graduation. that day, coupled with The Tux, The Mullet shone fiercely against the sun, and waved strongly in the wind deftly crying out "today is a great day! today a Mullet shall crown this boy as he graduates and all shall see!" and off into the sunset did it ride upon my head, until the next day after dry grad and i awoke with it tangled.


i played guitar in a metal band with brandon and matt. Mullets are metal. i had a mullet.

are we talking about aliens now?


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