souless retail sex

so all day i had the phrase "white meat...dark meat..." stuck in my head in the voice from Grindhouse.
now ive got "linglinglinglinglinglinglinglinglinglinglingBERRY!!!" stuck in my head.
we got cupcakes at work today and people went fucking crazy thus again providing what i feel is evidence to the theory that in an office environ, cupcakes are all sorts of exotic.
i also learned today, by overhearing my boss, agaaaain, that "if they can hear you smile over the phone it stops the irritated bandwagon."
yes.
i know.
it's like...not really the most amazing thing i've ever heard at all. in fact i sat there for a second letting it twirl around in my head and then decided that it couldnt possibly sound any less whatever than it already did so i of course wrote it down.

oh, and ive decided to keep an ongoing record at work of random thoughts slash observations as well as a seperate record of all but the strangest and most amusing names.
an example: Darnell Gooch. Dr. Dorcus Butt. (no really, why would i joke about that one?) Egbert Plug.

ive realized that a large downside to an office job versus had i gone home to work at the county again is that here you have to cling to the dumbest little shred of amusement all day whereas there you could go the whole day laughing your ass off with other people for hours and never be talking about the same thing. therefore. OFFICE HIJINKS. hah. still not the same.

i got up this morning like "hey innards, why so fussy?"

innards: "cause you fucktard, you put too much chilli sauce in your dinner."

me: "but innards, i countered that with coconut milk and shaved chocolate."

innards: "ok first, no. second. no. and just for that. TAKE THIS AND FEEL LIKE UNGH YOUR INSIDES HATE YOU BECAUSE I DO YOU SHMUCK!!!"

me: "unnnnnngh my innards hate me!"

innards: "now where's my bagel bitch?"

souless retail sex