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sh!thawks...on parade: the telling tale of the trying transit trip (based on true events)

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'What ho!' exclaims our valiant hero, 'i must thank you my friends Everett and Erin for offering to host me to a fine fare of Panago and District 13, but I must be on my way!'

He rises and collects his rain jacket from whence it lies and begins to adorn it.

'Make haste!' cries Erin, peering out past her reflection in the balcony entrance, 'for the snow is heavily falling from the heavens above upon this mount called Burnaby Mountain!'

Many thanks! And good eve to you both!' says our hero, waving and walking out the door. Down the hall he goes and stops at the elevator, summoning the car from below. He removes his iPod affectionately known as McCoy from an inner pocket and begins to resume his acoustic ingesting of a missed episode of the Smodcast.

Chiming softly, the elevator doors part, he enters and descends to the exit level, whereupon he glances outside only to see the prior warning given to him was utterly true; the snow was falling as a sheet from the sky.

'No matter', he thinks to himself, 'i have yet enough time to arrive at a Skytrain platform without delay.'

On he goes, up the path, through the snow and passing two others walking their dog through the continually piling snow. Only a short distance must be covered before he will be able to enter the shelter of a bus stop and wait for his transit carriage to whisk him down the side of the mountain.

A few steps further on and he can see evidence of flashing lights nearer his destination.

'What ho! Flashing lights nearer my destination! What could be so troublesome as to require these lights that often denote there is trouble afoot?'

Crossing the street, our hero sees the daunting figures of four large translink busses come to a complete stop beside the small bus stop to which he was traveling. Along side can be seen an SFU security vehicle, undoubtedly there to offer protection to the weary drivers waiting in the snow.

Our hero rounds the front of the nearest bus and approaches the open door.

Addressing the driver he asks, 'kind sir, will you be making the voyage down the mountain in spite of the dreadful weather?'

'I must answer with uncertainty. You see, a fellow driver has had the misfortune of finding himself jackknifed farther down the mountain because of the snow, blocking all safe passage in this direction. It may be some time before we are able to make haste once more.'

'This is unfortunate indeed,' replies our hero.

'If you would chance another way, you may make your way up to the main bus loop where they are making attempts to complete the voyage down the second road.'

Encouraged by this news, our hero thanks the driver, lifts his hood, and makes his way to the main bus loop.

Arriving at the stop for the 145 which will bring him to the skytrain, he waits patiently for his bus to arrive. After a few moments a young lady arrives and queries him about the time to which he politely informs her that it is nearing 10:30pm.

A few more minutes pass in which time more travelers have gathered, all anxious to make it safely down the mountain. It is then that a bus driver emerges from the transit building and makes his way to his bus, the only 135 present. The host of travelers rush over to his vehicle with questions on their lips of when the next busses will be arriving.

'Fear not!' he says, 'this may be the very last chance for you all to descend and I am confident that I will be able to safely deposit you at the bottom!'

Reassured by the drivers' confidence, the passengers, now numbering near twenty, take their seats.

'This will indeed be a slow voyage,' says the driver, 'but we will at least arrive in one piece!'

Our hero positions himself more comfortably, still listening to his iPod and watching the terrain ever so slowly creep by. The bus slowly makes its way to the second bus loop, where the driver honks at the waiting travelers there and informs them he is likely to be the very last bus down. They leap on, joyous at the chance to warm up from the cold and snow.

Continuing on, the bus successfully arrives at the residence stop, and continues.

All is proceeding well until suddenly the bus slides to the right, to the left, then again to the right. The passengers exclaim in surprise. Our hero looks at the side of the road slowly sliding towards him and sighs. It is at this time that our hero realizes that he has only two minutes remaining in this episode of the Smodcast until he has finished all that he has.

After the bus has come to a standstill, the driver, ever aware of the safety of his passengers, announces that in a few moments a transit supervisor will be on the scene and that progress will be made shortly on resuming the voyage. This announcement again brings smiles to the faces of the passengers, who settle into their seats to enjoy the warmth of the bus.

Suddenly, a strange bump is felt in the back of the bus. Our hero looks up, seeing nothing at first, when a strange sound reaches his ears.

Looking around for the source, he sees nothing until he turns to face the door opposite him and sees a car sliding along the side of the bus, crushing the mirror and leaving the driver trapped.  Our hero laughs in spite of the misfortune of the driver, and his now utterly doomed bus ride down the mountain.

'I must apologize,' says the driver, 'but we will be unable to continue now.'

Confusion overtakes the bus for a moment until one brave soul in the rear exclaims that hitch hiking will work.

Exiting the bus, all of the passengers stand outside for a moment, look about them to get their bearings, and strike off down the road, ill prepared for such a journey.

Our hero, having kept his composure throughout, overhears another gent inform the same young lady who had asked of the time previously that he had a car at the foot of the mountain and could drop her at a skytrain station on his way to Metrotown.

'Aha!' thinks our hero, 'it is them who i shall befriend on this lengthy walk through the barren wilderness while the snow falls!'

And so, our hero falls in step beside the taller gent named Jamel and the young lady named Zena. Striking up a conversation, the new companions find that the walk is not as tedious as first thought, but that the snow and slush makes for treacherous footing.

Down, down, down the march, ever getting nearer the bottom of the mountain. Soon the falling snow turns to a soft rain allowing the companions the chance to remove their hoods for a time. Minutes later, however, this reprieve is cut short but bulbous rain assailing them from seemingly every angle.

'I fear that i am completely sodden!' exclaims Zena.

'As am I,' our hero says.

'I hope you do not mind that you vehicle will be made very damp by this,' Zena says, looking at Jamel.

'Not at all,' he replies, 'for at least it shall offer protection and warmth.'

Many stories are shared during their time together. Our hero discovers that Zena is a Chemistry grad student with a twin sister, and Jamel a health sciences student, also with a twin sister. Happily, an accord is reached that Zena will be taken to the nearest skytrain station and our hero will continue on as his destination is not far from that of Jamel.

Having safely arrived home, our hero thanks his new friend, enters his home eager to change into some dryer clothes, only to find that his laundry in the dryer is still wet.

the telling tale of the trying transit trip (based on true events)


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