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sh!thawks...on parade: a moment in the life of lil john

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things that i learned on my latest trip to the innards of ontario:

- 6 lane traffic jams happen as easily as one lane ones
- there's a lot of corn in ontario
- barrie is cool because it reminds me of idaho
- everyone in barrie thinks that a demonic metal beast of evil is a good luck thing
- gino's are fun to make fun of no matter where you are
- random friends are people with no teeth
- i can talk louder and wave more than europeans
- more parks need ziplines
- watching spinning penguins makes me stomach flip
- the bbq of a friend's sister's boyfriend's friend are fun to chill out at
- the bloody jews have all the nice houses. look what i have to look forward to!
- it's surprinsgly easy to not have to sleep on a couch
- spring rolls are always good at 3am
- cheese that smells like feet is never as good at 3am
- making sure people who fall alseep on the couch have a blanket is always welcome
- farmers will give you free dead deer without knowing who you are
- three day long street parties need to happen more often
- theres always time for Dirty Jobs
- toronto is really big
- yonge street is really long
- long rhymes with schlong

and now for the second part:

Important Travel Tips for the Weary Traveller:

- there are multiple terminals at Pearson
- when in doubt, ask little old ladies where the bus is
- cowboys smell of BO
- when the little brown boy at the airport is using his pringles can like a bazooka to shoot all the airplanes as he watches them land, you have no reason to be alarmed. because pringles never hurt anyone.

and just like Jerry Springer, the final thought:

maybe what we're all looking for is just, acceptance, or maybe just some turkey.
made some new friends, saw some new things, did some random stuff, twas a good time indeed.

definitely going to have to do that again.

a moment in the life of lil john


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