two specials left, onry 2.99!

i keep waking up at 3am. never 4am. never 2am. always 3am. and then i can never seem to get back to a full sleep. its always the 'turn over and half sleep til the alarm is just about to go off so you stuff your face under the pillow and mercifully hope that maybe it's actually still midnight and you have a whole night left to sleep' thing.
i went to buy socks. exciting i know. they arent argyle. not as exciting. i know. i went to the bay at pacific center. the dude at the cash register looked super excited to be there, and by that i mean he probably wanted to shoot himself. so the guy in front of me puts his whatever he's buying down and the cashier dude is all "DO YOU HAVE AN HBC REWARDS CARD?" "no." "WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY ONE AND SAVE TEN PERCENT ON YOUR PURCHASES?" "no thanks, i'll pass." "OH OK. DO YOU COLLECT REWARDS POINTS?" "um..." "OH IT'S NOT THE SAME THING BUT YOU GET POINTS. YOUD GET A LOT OF POINTS FOR THIS." "no that's ok." "OH WELL, THATS TOO BAD, YOUD GET A LOT OF POINTS. YOU'D GET A REALLY GOOD DEAL WITH AN HBC CARD. YOU COULD COLLECT POINTS WITH IT." "i'll just pay with my debit." "ARE YOU SURE YOU DONT WANT TO SIGN UP FOR THE HBC CARD?" "yes."
so then the guy pays, and he's still putting his card in his wallet as i put my stuff down thinking "aaaaaany second now..."
"DO YOU HAVE AN HBC REWARDS CARD?" like he's fucking expecting me to salvage his ruined attempt at badly trying to convince the other guy to get one... "nope, dont want one." other guys laughs. "OH. YOU COULD SAVE TEN PERCENT" "that's ok, it's more fun paying full price." "OH. YOU COULD COLLECT POINTS."
here's how the conversation went in my head about a nanosecond after i put my stuff down...
"DO YOU HAVE AN HBC REWARDS CARD?" "NO GODDAMNIT AND NEITHER DID HE SO WHY DONT YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE YOU'RE BAD AT YOURE BAD AT YOURE JOB, YOURE BAD AT SELLING THAT FUCKING CARD AND YOU SUCK AT LIFE SO JUST TAKE MY MONEY AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!" "OH BUT YOU COULD COLLECT POINTS." "HERE LET ME SMASH YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE COUNTER! THIS IS FAR MORE REWARDING!!!"

the key to not shitting bricks is to choose foods that go out as easy as they go in. think about it. take spaghetti for instance. when you eat it you slurp it up very easily. it's a pasta that slides without resistance going in, so it only makes sense that the very same noodles slurp out your ass just as effortlessly. or, take rotini which can ease the passage of food by itself being able to pass easily while serving as a compartment in which other morsels may ride out in.

im not having pasta, im having asian dumplings, brocolli and bok choy. sunday is a long goddamn time away.

two specials left, onry 2.99!