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sh!thawks...on parade: watch stripes

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i can write all i want and it doesnt make a dent. nope. dont you want to out your head down and just see if the world isn't the same when you lift it again. or close your eyes and try to think about ow quiet the world would be if it only it weren't so loud. simple solutions often require the most complex actions. it seems kind of backwards now that you think about it. but then of course the alarm goes off or the phone rings and you can't help but open your eyes again and be honestly disappointed that you're exactly where you were five minutes ago. in the same chair, in the same space, in the same way wondering what it was you're trying to get away from. if you can't find a reason, why even try? confronting things is necessary but if you go looking for one that you aren't even sure will be there is it the same thing? what if you're so aware of the symptoms of your own downfall that you can accept them at face value and then just step around them? that would be too simple, but then you'd have to be complex. everyone is complex, no matter how simple they say their tastes are.
what if two certainties conflicted to the point where they were still both certain but you had to figure out which one wasn't actually. that makes all of life's little quandaries seem obsolete and exciting all at the same time. you know what it all boils down to is if you can ask yourself if you think you're really the most honest with yourself. not entirely self delusion, but maybe self denial works better. i still don't know who i am all the way through. i dont think anyone does. i was walking through a parking lot last night to buy a pizza and a bottle of fresca and started to think about what it was that university actually teaches you. and i didnt come up with academic prowess or an expanded knowledge of the world. i think what it's taught me is that you can try to be the most honest person with yourself but at the end of the day, you're no different than anyone else. i think im a nice guy most of the time. i think im a good guy. i think that the last few years have also taught me how to be a jackass. maybe thats not all bad, maybe that gives some balance to things. i think that it makes you more accutely aware of ehat exactly you're doing. the only trouble there is that you stare things in the face having a good idea of the shit you're getting into but you still don't step around it. and then a car honks its horn and you stop thinking things, and remember to start thinking about what kind of pizza you want.
you know what it all really boils down to is one question which is do you think Smurfs have blue blood?

watch stripes


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