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sh!thawks...on parade: stare at the wheel and fall apart

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today sucks balls. i feel like i've been knocked off kilter so bad i can't focus on anything. econ is a gong show. i cant seem to do anything but stare at my methods assignment that only needs two paragraphs to be finished. i cant even focus on readings. i barely made it through two. it's just over a month into the program and it already feels like it's kicking my ass.
i know there were points in my undergrad when i'd bitch about it. but at least that was after a semester was almost done at least. this one's going to be one of those things where you sit there thinking "oh fuck" and there's no respite.
it's easy to sit here and think "in two years i'll be set" but that ignores all the shit you have to go through to get there. this is going to be a long fucking two years.
for the most part, if something is in your way, you can go over, around, or through. this is pretty much a case of hold your breath and go right down the middle and hope for the best.
im kind of annoyed that i'd planned on having these two assignments done by now and on track in my mind with how i planned out the next two weeks and now it's more like a house of cards that im watching fall down slowly.
it took me a while to calm down today after another three hour struggle trying to get anything on that fucking econ assignment done. when this class is done is going to shoot so many goddamn holes in the textbook... that'll be even more cathartic than when shredded my kinesiology textbook and then burned the remains. that book was pure evil, i swear. this one's no better.
never take econ. if you take a major in econ you're a crazy person.

it's not even 8pm yet and it feels like midnight.

i hate not being able to accomplish anything today after sitting down to three classes of materials. i know there's that point where you just can't continue if you're making no progress, but making little headway for hours isn't a game im used to playing. it all accumulates. i wanted this done so this weekend i could forget it for a few days, but now it looks like i'll be coming home at night to bash my head against the wall to get things done.

however, it's important to maintain some level of humour through all the crap you have to put up with so i offer this:

stare at the wheel and fall apart


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