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sh!thawks...on parade: so what if he's harry on the pot?

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it's fair to say that unless JRR Tolkein happened to rise from the dead and write another book I will never in my life ever line up at a bookstore at midnight to buy a book.
seriously, it's a book. it'll be there in the morning. and the next day and the next day and the ay after that.
don't get me wrong, when I find a good book I get right in to it, but you'd never see me diving into freezing water for a book voucher dressed as Roland from the Dark Tower series because the last book came out. which by the way will kick Harry Potter's ass any day. Potter fans always go on about "omg! it took her like ten years to write all these! they must be the hardest series to write ever!"
again I offer the trump card from Stephen King. try 20+ years for the better series.
ok, i'll admit, i've never read a Potter book in it's entirety. i've flipped through a few of them, mostly because my sister is one of the midnight buyers and has them all. ive seen the movies mostly because there wasn't anything else to do so yes, im aware of the story line.
I dont have a beef with the fact that millions of kids will line up to read this, it's better than them sitting for hours with the xBox or their Wii. but when the first thing they do when they get their hands on the book is flip right to the end, that's just plain stupid. aren't you supposed to read the 900 pages before that to find out what goes on? no? oh, well fuck you then. i guess you'll be calling up that kids helpline right away ya lazy prick.
seriously, i read about that yesterday and didnt know whether to laugh my ass off or feel sorry for people. a helpline. for a book. cant you just picture in thirty years when some dumbass kills someone, instead of blaming it on heavy metal, he'll be blaming it on the psychological trauma he went through reading about how whoever the fuck died in the book destroyed him mentally because they were his bestest friends in the whole wide world. any takers on when the first news story will hit about some kid that offed himself because he couldnt take the ending?

you know the other thing about the whole Potter phenom that just baffles me? the constant comparison of it to LOTR. obviously there is no contest there. Tolkein pretty much became overlord of the fantasy genre with those books. but they are two completely different kinds of stories. and i dont ever remember hearing about how LOTR was teaching kids to be pagans and witches.

if you want to find me in a lineup at midnight it'll be when the Dark Tower turns into a movie. i will camp out for that. i wont camp out or line up for the 90210 of movie series and i dont think i can justifiably even begin to like a story with this much hype which at the same time is knowingly acknowledging that it will make people go into a depression. seriously, think about this. this book WILL be turned into a movie. how they will keep the movie under an R rating if there's death and chaos and whatever through the whole thing mystifies me. now think about standing in line for that movie for hours with 5 and 6 year olds. then think about being in the theater while they scream and cry because they just watched whoever get dismembered. that's not a goddamn kids story, that's an Eli Roth story.

i think it's funny when people get huffy about any sort of criticism about this series. they always ask me if ive read the books and of course i say know and then they get more huffy and uptight and ask how i can criticism it then. then i ask them if theyve read all of LOTR or all seven Dark Tower books, which none times out of ten is no to both, and the one time is always LOTR, and even in that case they never read all three. ok, how about this. you get as huffy as you want. then you go read those series. and when youre done i'll go read the potter series. then when we're done i'll ask you if you read Stephen King's back catalogue so you actually understand the plot twists and symbolism in the DT books. no? well get to it. i'll just be over here reading some Christopher Moore to pass the time cause I dont need to go read a dozen more books to understand why theres a scar on someones face.

so what if he's harry on the pot?


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